The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention blames solanum. In Miami, early reports after an alleged outbreak in 2012 suggested bath salts. And in Brad Pitt's forthcoming film, World War Z, it's a global pandemic.
Yes, zombie attacks are on the rise and pose a bigger threat to Western civilization than global warning, hydrogenated oils, and unprotected sex combined.
But rather than stocking up on post-apocalyptic survival gear like non-perishable food, water, and cash (coincidentally, the same items you should carry in your home during hurricane season), go dance at SET until the world supposedly ends.
On Thursday, June 13, DJs Konflikt and ESS + EMM will work the decks for the club's World War Z premiere party, ignoring the lingering threat of a potential undead plague.
Luckily, the bar's proximity to the ocean provides a direct evacuation route if zombies do, in fact, decide to attack.
"Zombies wouldn't be a threat in the water," expert Jonathan Maberry told New Times following Rudy Eugene's "zombie attack" on Ronald Poppo's face last year. "The freshly killed ones would sink like a stone without air in their lungs for buoyancy. The rotting ones might float because of gasses released by putrefaction, but they would lack the coordination for the mechanics of swimming and couldn't strategize on how to overcome tides and currents."
Plus, if zombies do attack SET, Maberry says that quality flooring is often the best defense.
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"The smartest object of defense isn't a gun or knife -- it's body armor made from carpet. You can't really bite through it and there's carpet everywhere. I'd tear up the carpet, secure it with some duct tape (and we all have duct tape), and then stroll through the crowd of frustrated zombies."
Our only question: Will the bouncer overlook carpet body armor or strictly enforce the dress code?
World War Z Premiere Party. Thursday, June 13. SET, 320 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach. The party starts at 11 p.m. and tickets cost $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Call 305-531-2800 or visit setmiami.com.