Do not stop dancing.
Maybe you haven't heard (and maybe you live in a padded, soundproof room with no internet, a busted TV set, and boarded-up windows), but that annual 144-hour dance marathon known as Winter Music Conference and Miami Music Week is about to swarm South Beach, downtown, Wynwood, and the rest of Dade County with thousands upon thousands of superhappy party people, superfamous DJs, and soon-to-be-superwealthy water merchants.
The only rules are look good, don't sleep, and never allow that booty to stop bouncing. The marathon begins March 24. And it ends six days later. Or whenever you lose consciousness while trying to schmooze and ass-shake your way into the VIP room at 7 in the morning.
Here are the 20 best parties during WMC and MMW 2015.
Laidback Luke's Super You & Me. With Sander Van Doorn, special guest Waka Flocka Flame, and others. 11 p.m. Tuesday, March 24, at Story Nightclub, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2424; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $30 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. The haters say "raver week is nothing but a big, goofy costume party." And maybe they're right. But Laidback Luke's Super You & Me is an actual costume party. And the master of ceremonies, Luke himself, just might arrive looking like a kung-fu master. (Because, well, he is a world-champion martial arts practitioner.) But the real question: Will Waka Flocka Flame wear a shirt?
Basement Miami Music Week. With Jamie Jones, Lee Foss, Questlove, and others. Presented by Thump. 10 p.m. Tuesday to Sunday, March 24 to 29, at Basement Miami, 2901 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 786-257-4548; basementmiami.com. Tickets cost $20 to $30 plus fees via residentadvisor.net. Ages 21 and up. Welcome to the Basement. It just might be Miami Beach's most playful nightspot. (And fun fact: It's co-owned by Ian Schrager, who masterminded Studio 54 with the late Steve Rubell.) You can bowl. You can ice-skate. And you can boogie straight through WMC and MMW with Hot Creations' Jamie Jones and Lee Foss, the Roots' Questlove, and another three nights of (literally) underground parties, including a body-jacking tribute to Frankie Knuckles, the Godfather of House, who passed away at 59, just days after last year's WMC and MMW getdown.
George Clinton and WMC's 30th-Anniversary Party. As part of the Funkified Poolside Get-Down Jam. With Little Louie Vega, Soul Clap, and others. Presented by Vagabonds-at-Large and Vega Records. Noon to 10 p.m. Wednesday, March 25, at Deauville Beach Resort, 6701 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-865-8511; deauvillebeachresort.com. Admission is free for WMC passholders. Tickets cost $30 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. The funk is universal. It's everywhere. It's all around us. That's some wisdom from George Clinton, the legendary founder of Parliament/Funkadelic. As he explains, the funk can be found in rock 'n' roll, hip-hop, house, even polka. And we'd bet the funk will certainly be found in the Deauville Beach Resort's pool when George, Little Louie Vega, Soul Clap, and the Winter Music Conference crew wrap their midweek soiree in honor of WMC's 30th b-day.
Carl Cox's INTEC All Stars Pool Party. As part of Miami Music Week Hotel. With Cristian Varela, the Junkies, and Yousef. 2 p.m. to midnight Wednesday, March 25, at Delano Hotel, 1685 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-672-2000; delano-hotel.com. Tickets cost $60 to $80 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. The Carl Cox & Friends arena at Ultra Music Festival is a monolithic, animatronic, stroboscopic wonder of party science. But there isn't a pool. So if, like us, you've always dreamed of playing back-to-back sets of Marco Polo with Mr. Cox and five of his best buddies, you'll have to get a room (or buy a ticket) for some wet 'n' wild fun at the Ultra-approved Miami Music Week Hotel.
Seth Troxler's Fuck Jams. With DJ Three, Harvard Bass, and special guests. 10 p.m. Wednesday, March 25, at Do Not Sit on the Furniture, 423 16th St., Miami Beach; 310-550-5067; facebook.com/donotsit. Tickets are available at the door. Ages 21 and up. Who's the undisputed bad boy of house and techno? These days, it's Seth Troxler. But even though he's notorious for throwing shade at superstar jocks like Afrojack (and, you know, throwing parties with names like "Fuck Jams"), the guy is not all talk. He goes just as hard in the DJ booth as he does on the fakes and the sellouts. No holds barred.
Hard Miami 2015. With Maya Jane Coles, Cajmere, Destructo, and others. 10 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday, March 25 and 26, at Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-377-2277; grandcentralmiami.com. Tickets for Hard Miami cost $35 to $45 plus fees via ticketfly.com. Tickets for Hard Miami: Rump Shaker cost $35 to $45 plus fees via ticketfly.com. Ages 18 and up. Visit hardfest.com. How Hard? Too Hard? Impossible. For the past four years, Hard Events founder Gary Richards (AKA Destructo) and his crew have unleashed untold decibels' worth of punishment on dance fans at downtown Miami's Grand Central during WMC and MMW. But, dude, these sickos love it. They just keep coming back. And now the two-day bludgeoning begins anew.
The Kitchen Pool Party. With DJ Craze, Just Blaze, AraabMuzik, and others. Presented by Red Rabbit and Slow Roast Records. Noon to 10 p.m. Thursday, March 26, at Shelborne Wyndham Grand South Beach, 1801 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-531-1271; shelborne.com. Tickets cost $15 to $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. There can never be too many DJs in the Kitchen, homie, especially when it comes equipped with a pool and a killer sound system. Don't sleep on this SoBe soaker with Miami's own three-time world champion DJ Craze, bold-name rap producer Just Blaze, virtuosic live beatmaker AraabMuzik, and ten other Ginsu-sharp sonic cuisiniers.
Tiësto's Club Life. With Moti, Dzeko & Torres, and A&G. 11 p.m. Thursday, March 26, at LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Tickets cost $125 to $250 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. No one knows Club Life like Tijs Michiel Verwest. He has spent the past two decades at the tippity-top of the dance-music world. He travels aboard his own private Tiësto-branded jet. He makes $28 million a year. So go learn the party arts from a genuine uhntz-uhntz tycoon. Of course, it's gonna cost you: about $137.50 for ladies or $275 if you're a dude.
Disclosure Presents: Wild Life Miami. With Disclosure (DJ set), Claude VonStroke, Justin Martin, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, DJ EZ, and special guest Carl Craig. Copresented by Poplife. 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. Thursday, March 26, at Soho Studios, 2136 NW First Ave., Miami; 305-600-4785; sohostudiosmiami.com. Tickets cost $60 plus fees via ticketfly.com. Ages 18 and up. After distinguishing themselves as breakout dance-music stars with their refined, cerebral aesthetic, the Disclosure bros — Guy and Howard Lawrence — are now determined to prove they can party like undomesticated animals. Thus, Wild Life, their touring minifestival, which they say "pays tribute to the legends and pushes forward music." And yes, induces humans to behave like beasts.
Paradise Miami, Circoloco Warehouse, and Last Resort. With Jamie Jones, Steve Lawler, Maceo Plex, Danny Daze, and others. 10 p.m. Thursday and Friday, March 26 and 27, and noon to 5 a.m. Sunday, March 29, at Mana Wynwood, 318 NW 23rd St., Miami; 305-305-5574; manawynwood.com. Tickets cost $30 to $65 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Wanna disappear into a warehouse for the weekend? Well, the Paradise Miami, Circoloco, and Last Resort triple-header at Mana Wynwood just might be the WMC and MMW escape of which you've been dreaming.
Martin Garrix & Friends. With Bassjackers, Julian Jordan, and others. 10 p.m. Friday, March 27, at Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-8411; mansionmiami.com. Tickets cost $60 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. When you're an underage virtuoso, like 18-year-old Martin Garrix, you just might be gigging South Beach's fanciest megaclubs without an alcohol tab. You cannot legally pop bottles or administer champagne facials. So you've gotta rely on raw talent. And luckily, little Marty has loads.
Fool's Gold Miami. With A-Trak, Martin Solveig, Tommy Trash, Gladiator, Brenmar, Salva, Anna Lunoe, Nick Catchdubs, Shash'U, and special guests. 10 p.m. Friday, March 27, at Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-377-2277; grandcentralmiami.com. Tickets
cost $10 plus fees via ticketfly.com are sold out. Ages 21 and up. Without fail, Fool's Gold label boss A-Trak throws a rager to remember (or not remember, depending upon the amount of intoxicants you ingest) during Winter Music Conference and Miami Music Week. So go get messy, but try not to end up so obliterated that you forget how to properly rage face.
John Digweed's Bedrock Miami, Black Butter Records, and MK's Area 10. With Gorgon City, Lee Foss, and others. 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday, March 27 and 28, at Treehouse, 323 23rd St., Miami Beach; 305-614-4478; treehousemiami.com. Tickets cost $25 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. On consecutive nights, this chill, intimate Miami Beach spot will host John Digweed's Bedrock Miami showcase, an annual tradition that used to take place at downtown's now-defunct the Vagabond, and then Black Butter Records and MK's Area 10 party starring hipster dance luminaries like London garage duo Gorgon City and Hot Creations cofounder Lee Foss. Who knew a Treehouse could be so underground?
Paul van Dyk, Gareth Emery, Tuskegee, and Pete Tong. 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday, March 27 and 28, at Space, 34 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-375-0001; clubspace.com. Tickets cost $30 to $55 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. All night. All morning. No sleep. This is Space. And with German dance legend Paul van Dyk, English house head Gareth Emery, Seth Troxler and the Martinez Brothers' Tuskegee, and the eminent Mr. Pete Tong at the controls, prepare to get sucked into a black hole of awesome.
No Sugar Added Beach Festival 2015. With Bingo Players, Adventure Club, Chuckie, Chainsmokers, and others. Noon to 5 a.m. Friday and Saturday, March 27 and 28, at Nikki Beach Miami, 1 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach; 305-538-1111; nikkibeach.com. Single-day tickets cost $40 to $75 and two-day VIP open-bar passes cost $265 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Looking for a low-calorie party option? Try No Sugar Added. It's low-cost too. For just $40 to $75 a day, you'll get 17 hours of fist-pumpin' time, 30 DJs, and zero fattening sweeteners. Of course, if you intend to simply dance away those nasty carbohydrates, you could always snag open-bar passes and slam spiked Red Bulls like they're cucumber-kale water.
BNR 10. A ten-year party for Boys Noize Records. With Boys Noize, Peaches, A-Trak, Destructo, Spank Rock, Robb Bank$, Snakehole, and others. 10 p.m. Saturday, March 28, at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; 786-752-6693; grampsbar.com. Tickets cost $25 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. To celebrate a decade of Boys Noize Records, Mr. BN himself will host a hipster celebrity blowout at Wynwood bar Gramps. The guest list is set to include infamous party music pervert Peaches, Fool's Gold cofounder A-Trak, Hard Events mastermind Destructo, hip-hop oddity Spank Rock, and SoFla rapper Robb Bank$. There's even gonna be an all-girl punk band, Miami's Snakehole, playing at some point — you know, just in case you get sick of dancing and wanna mosh for 15 minutes before helping Boys Noize blow out the candles on his big BNR 10 cake.
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Moodnight, Get Physical, and Maya Jane Coles & Friends. With Nicole Moudaber, Philipp Jung of M.A.N.D.Y., and others. Presented by Link Miami Rebels. 10 p.m. Saturday, March 28, at Trade, 1439 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; trademia.com. Tickets cost $40 to $50 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. It'll be a mob scene of discerning dance-music enthusiasts when Nicole Moudaber's Moodnight party, M.A.N.D.Y.'s Get Physical label showcase, and Maya Jane Coles' crew take over Trade. And yes, this is all happening on one night in one club.
Dirtybird 10. With Claude VonStroke, Justin Martin, J.Phlip, and others. 10 p.m. Sunday, March 29, at Steam Miami, 30 NE 14th St., Miami; 786-516-3393; steammiami.com. Tickets
cost $40 plus fees via wantickets.com are available at the door.. Ages 21 and up. Ten years of booty-clapping, speaker-blasting house and techno deserves a real-deal, face-down, ass-up, chirping, derping, crazy, clucking party. That's why Dirtybird Records founders Claude VonStroke and Justin Martin are flocking to Miami with a murder of their wildest friends. Here's to another decade of doin' it like a Dirtybird.
I Am a House Gangster and Hard 2 Leave. With DJ Sneak, Diplo, Felix da Housecat, DJ Snake, Jesse Perez, Juan BassHead, and others. 10 p.m. Sunday, March 29, at E11even Miami, 29 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-305-6611; 11miami.com. Tickets cost $40 to $80 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Ever seen a thug on the dance floor? Well, there's gonna be a whole gang of 'em poppin' 'n' lockin' like human switchblades when DJ Sneak and his clique, plus Diplo, the Overthrow, and Hard 2 Leave roll through downtown Miami's $40 million international cabaret, E11even. Special shoutout to our boys, the 305's nastiest booty-house goons, Jesse Perez and Juan BassHead.
Who's That Deejay? Electric Pickle WMC Closing Party. With Bamboozle (Eli of Soul Clap), Psychic Mirrors, Miami Players Club, and back-to-back surprise DJ sets all night. Presented by Beatport. Powered by Beck's Access. 10 p.m. Sunday, March 29, at Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Tickets cost $15 to $30 plus fees via residentadvisor.net. Ages 21 and up. The most titillating way to spend your last night of WMC and MMW: a blind date with a dozen DJs. It's what your hosts, Electric Pickle and Beatport, call playing a game of Who's That Deejay? So just close your eyes, clubber. "We will not disappoint," the Pickle whispers. "Promise."