Whitney Houston's Funeral Live Stream: Five Predictions

The internet, a safe haven where perverts can download fetish porn and degenerates bet on sports. It's an information superhighway trolled by digital pirates on the lookout for copyrighted gold and a place where everyone can be the star of their very own Truman Show.

But on Saturday, February 18, the World Wide Web will transform into a virtual mortuary, the online home of Whitney Huston's final sendoff; The Associated Press is live-streaming the funeral, y'all, and we'll always love them for it.

Will Bobby Brown show up? What about Ray J? Check out our funeral live stream predictions after the cut.

Governor Christie's Sweaty Pits

America's fattest governor is a huge Whitney Houston fan. In fact, Jersey's top is flying flags at half-staff in her honor. Or he simply gets too winded raising the flag all the way. Obesity sucks.

Someone Else Butchers "I Will Always Love You"

Jennifer Hudson's Grammy-night Whitney Houston tribute was sweet, but a little pitchy. And on Saturday, Houston's mom Cissy, godmother Aretha Franklin and cousin Dionne Warwick will headline the funeral choir, but don't expect a mind-blowing performance. Emotions will be running very high, and it's tough to hit the high notes when you're choked up.

The Next Whitney Houston is Discovered, Video Uploaded to YouTube Before Houston's Buried

The funeral is going down at the same church Houston sang at as a child. It'd be advantageous of the congregation's music director to let their youngest talent shine while the world--and most importantly, Clive Davis--watches.

Westboro Baptist Church Protest

It's official; Westboro Baptist Church will picket outside of Whiney Houston's funeral at the New Hope Baptist Church. We're hoping AP cameras capture the "God Hates Fag" clan singing their hit parody, "God Will Always Hate You."

Bobby Brown Denied Entrance, Fights Ray J for Pallbearer Duties

Houston's family has made it clear that ex-husband Bobby Brown is persona non grata at the late singer's funeral, while Whitney on-and-off-again beau, Ray J, has already RSVP'd. Best-case scenario, a Newark, New Jersey fisticuff that results in an R&B blood bath and the winner carrying The Bodyguard star's casket.

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Victor Gonzalez
Contact: Victor Gonzalez