Lil Wayne is so rich that anyone crazy enough to try and estimate the jillions of zillions in his checking account would surely fall prey to a mental breakdown.
That's because there isn't even a number that can quantify, in human language, just how much dough Weezy rakes in. Seriously ... Look at a math book.You get to Googolplex, the numbers stop, and all that's left is big black bold letters that say "Wayne's Money."
This morning, TMZ reminded us of all the zeroes on Lil Wayne's pay stubs when they reported on the portable skate park he's towing around for on-the-fly ollie breaks while on tour. And that got Crossfade thinking about the endless possibilities for tour bus extravagance as funded by YMCMB star's bankroll.
5. Infinite (∞) Monkeys Freestyling on Typewriters
Ever since he got out da clink, Lil Wayne has been stone-cold sober as mandated by his probation. Weezy -- who once mused, "I don't want'be right/If gettin' high is wrong/My eyes so low/Look like I'm from Hong Kong" -- built an empire on getting fucked up on weed and sizzurp, and ranting like a homeless person with a copy of Laurence Perrine's Sound And Sense. We have to imagine sobriety has presented some challenges to Wayne's "creative process" (see: "How To Love" and, really, the wholistic embarrassment that is Tha Carter IV ), so we suggest he look into buying an infinite supply of typewriting monkeys. Somewhere between smashed keys and The Merchant of Venice, they'll hopefully produce some raw, Da Drought 3-style bangers.
4. The Cast of VH1's Celebrity Rehab 5
Look, Birdman Junior doesn't have time for AA, NA, SAA, or any other 12-step program. So to keep him straight and narrow, why not fill a tour bus with Doctor motherfuckin' Drew and eight millionaire-in-recovery peers to keep him on track.
3. Maybe Chris Bosh Could Hang Out, If He's Free
This is actually a selfish, pro-Heat suggestion on Crossfade's part. Do you know how much ESPN Weezy watches? I'm sure all that time on the road could be spent in the Cash Money mobile basketball arena, helping the power forward get up to snuff.
2. A Stage Set of Rome to Be Burned Nightly
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We know, this one seems kind of ridiculous. You're probably thinking, "Lil Wayne doesn't even know how to play the fiddle!" But, hey, that didn't stop him when it came to guitar.
1. A Jumbotron Monitoring His Warehouse Filled With Lurkers
Look, Weezy's distinction as the Best Rapper Alive is definitely up for grabs. If he wants to remain the greatest, he needs to be all up on Lil B's Twitter, Odd Future's Tumblr, and O'Grime's multiple accounts on Lithuanian social network Jhoos. And, for that matter, every other goddamn swag content aggregator within a Like's reach.