And you know what's even better?
That's 'cause the threat of being shamefully discovered tickles the universal voyeuristic/exhibitionist funny bone.
All people (spanning every continent) either want to watch people have sex. Or have other people watch them have sex. And then sing about it.
Here are Crossfade's top ten songs about sex in public.
Hornballs: The Beatles
Sex Jam: "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?"
Raunch Rank: #10
Smut Sample: "Why don't we do it in the road?/No one will be watching us"
The answer to the randy ol' Fab Four's eternal question is actually fairly self-explanatory: Because it's fucking dangerous.
Hornball: Van Morrison
Sex Jam: "Brown Eyed Girl"
Raunch Rank: #9
Smut Sample: "Making love in the green grass/Behind the stadium with you"
Is Van Morrison's lechery enhanced or reduced by his use of the phrase "making love"? Follow up question: Would you have preferred "making woopie?"
Hornabll: Alanis Morissette
Sex Jam: "You Oughta Know"
Raunch Rank: #8
Smut Sample: "Is she perverted like me?/Would she go down on you in a theater?"
Everybody knows that the infamous movie theater BJ that Alanis sings about was performed on none other than Dave Coulier, AKA Uncle Joey on Full House. But it's worth repeating for comedic effect ... Alanis Morissette blew Uncle Joey in a movie theater.
Hornball: John Legend
Sex Jam: "P.D.A. We Just Don't Care"
Raunch Rank: #7
Smut Sample: "Let's make love, let's go somewhere they might discover us"
John Legend is not usually so vocally aroused. But like Andre 3000 says, "Even Stevie Wonder got down sometimes!"
Hornball: Meat Loaf
Sex Jam: "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"
Raunch Rank: #6
Smut Sample: "So open up your eyes I got a big surprise/It'll feel all right."
We already knew Meat Loaf would do anything for love (except that, of course). But we never knew the big guy was so found of getting freaky-deaky in cars.
Hornballs: The Vengaboys
Sex Jam: "Sex On The Beach"
Raunch Rank: #5
Smut Sample: "I met a girl named Ida/She came straight from Sweden/I gave her Cuba Libre/Now she does everything I say - ay!"
Most Vengaboys tracks are about fornication in some fashion. But "Sex On The Beach" is about fornication...on the beach!
Hornball: George Michael
Sex Jam: "Outside"
Raunch Rank: #4
Smut Sample: "And, yes, I've been bad/Doctor, won't you do with me what you can/You see I think about it all the time."
When he's not masturbating in public restrooms, George Michael is DTF IRL.
Sex Jam: "What's Your Fantasy?"
Raunch Rank: #3
Smut Sample: "I wanna get you in the Georgia Dome on the fifty yard line"
Luda the Lusty not only enumerates about two dozen different places one may potentially engage in carnal delights. But he also provides a hearty itinerary for those looking to get down 'n' dirty.
Hornball: Gucci Mane feat. Bobby Valentino, Nicki Minaj, Trina
Sex Jam: "Sex in Crazy Places"
Raunch Rank: #2
Smut Sample: "I wanna do you at yo' Mama's house."
Of course Gucci Mane's a freak. We wonder if he got any action at the Sex on the Beach porn convention last month?
Sex Jam: "Love in an Elevator"
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SHOW ME HOW
Raunch Rank: #1
Smut Sample: "Love in an elevator/Livin' it up when I'm going down."
In his heyday, Steven Tyler was approaching Jagger-like statistics in the bedroom. But then he turned into a sundazed gramma with toes gnarled like a pagan deity's and a penchant for wearing clothing to nude beaches.