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Top Ten Songs About Sex in Public

Sex rules!

And you know what's even better?

Sex outside!

That's 'cause the threat of being shamefully discovered tickles the universal voyeuristic/exhibitionist funny bone.

All people (spanning every continent) either want to watch people have sex. Or have other people watch them have sex. And then sing about it.

Here are Crossfade's top ten songs about sex in public.

See also:

-Twelve Songs About Blowjobs! (NSFW)

-Ten Best Songs About Masturbation

-Happy Hump Day! Ten Habit-Forming Songs About Humping

-Ten Best Songs for Forgetting Your Ex and F#$%ing the Pain Away

Hornballs: The Beatles

Sex Jam: "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?"

Raunch Rank: #10

Smut Sample: "Why don't we do it in the road?/No one will be watching us"

The answer to the randy ol' Fab Four's eternal question is actually fairly self-explanatory: Because it's fucking dangerous.

Hornball: Van Morrison

Sex Jam: "Brown Eyed Girl"

Raunch Rank: #9

Smut Sample: "Making love in the green grass/Behind the stadium with you"

Is Van Morrison's lechery enhanced or reduced by his use of the phrase "making love"? Follow up question: Would you have preferred "making woopie?"

Hornabll: Alanis Morissette

Sex Jam: "You Oughta Know"

Raunch Rank: #8

Smut Sample: "Is she perverted like me?/Would she go down on you in a theater?"

Everybody knows that the infamous movie theater BJ that Alanis sings about was performed on none other than Dave Coulier, AKA Uncle Joey on Full House. But it's worth repeating for comedic effect ... Alanis Morissette blew Uncle Joey in a movie theater.

Hornball: John Legend

Sex Jam: "P.D.A. We Just Don't Care"

Raunch Rank: #7

Smut Sample: "Let's make love, let's go somewhere they might discover us"

John Legend is not usually so vocally aroused. But like Andre 3000 says, "Even Stevie Wonder got down sometimes!"

Hornball: Meat Loaf

Sex Jam: "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"

Raunch Rank: #6

Smut Sample: "So open up your eyes I got a big surprise/It'll feel all right."

We already knew Meat Loaf would do anything for love (except that, of course). But we never knew the big guy was so found of getting freaky-deaky in cars.

Hornballs: The Vengaboys

Sex Jam: "Sex On The Beach"

Raunch Rank: #5

Smut Sample: "I met a girl named Ida/She came straight from Sweden/I gave her Cuba Libre/Now she does everything I say - ay!"

Most Vengaboys tracks are about fornication in some fashion. But "Sex On The Beach" is about fornication...on the beach!

Hornball: George Michael

Sex Jam: "Outside"

Raunch Rank: #4

Smut Sample: "And, yes, I've been bad/Doctor, won't you do with me what you can/You see I think about it all the time."

When he's not masturbating in public restrooms, George Michael is DTF IRL.

Hornball: Ludacris

Sex Jam: "What's Your Fantasy?"

Raunch Rank: #3

Smut Sample: "I wanna get you in the Georgia Dome on the fifty yard line"

Luda the Lusty not only enumerates about two dozen different places one may potentially engage in carnal delights. But he also provides a hearty itinerary for those looking to get down 'n' dirty.

Hornball: Gucci Mane feat. Bobby Valentino, Nicki Minaj, Trina

Sex Jam: "Sex in Crazy Places"

Raunch Rank: #2

Smut Sample: "I wanna do you at yo' Mama's house."

Of course Gucci Mane's a freak. We wonder if he got any action at the Sex on the Beach porn convention last month?

Hornball: Aerosmith

Sex Jam: "Love in an Elevator"

Raunch Rank: #1

Smut Sample: "Love in an elevator/Livin' it up when I'm going down."

In his heyday, Steven Tyler was approaching Jagger-like statistics in the bedroom. But then he turned into a sundazed gramma with toes gnarled like a pagan deity's and a penchant for wearing clothing to nude beaches.

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

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