Lists

Top Five Possible Nightlife Hosts Worse Than Michelle "Bombshell" McGee

Riptide reported yesterday that homewrecker and sometimes Nazi-fetish enthusiast Michelle "Bombshell" McGee would be hosting LIV's Dirty Hairy party April 21, marking a new low in tastelessness for Miami Beach. We've got to admit, we expected this sort of publicity stunt from other South Beach nightclubs, but not LIV and especially not from the Fontainebleau, which describes itself as a "blend of Miami's stylish golden era with modern luxury." What's exactly luxurious about some tattooed skank who is well-past her 15 minutes of fame is beyond us.

Still, it got us thinking, what could be worse than McGee hosting?

5. Chris Brown

We admit, it would have been more tasteless for Chris Brown to have made a club appearance right after he brutally beat then-girlfriend Rihanna, and yes, he's paid for his actions. Still, we don't think anyone would rush to an event hosted by R&B crooner. He is still such a social pariah that he's having trouble finding a club willing to host his 21st birthday bash, er, celebration.

4. Westboro Baptist Church


These are the despicable people who picket at U.S. soldiers funerals saying it was the Lord's punishment for the nation "abandoning all moral imperatives." Fred Phelps and family might just be the most hated people in this country, reviled by liberals and conservatives alike. Though we might be tempted to attend if Phelps's granddaughter Megan Phelps-Roper sings "Whorish Face," her parody of the singer's hit "Poker Face."


3. Catholic Priests

Needless to say this would be a strictly boys-only affair, with ages ranging from 8 to 17. Drink the sacramental wine boys, because your memory is going to get fuzzy after that. Therapy will probably be required to bring out those suppressed memories years later, but who cares about the future? It's all about the right now. So why don't you make yourself a little more comfortable and disrobe?

2. Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez

Guess who having a joint Super Sweet 16 par-tay? Castro and Chavez! The dictator divas are easily the most hated people in Miami, having driven out millions of people from the homeland and separating families for years. We doubt either one would get very far from the tarmac if they ever decided to celebrate big in the Magic City.

1. Zombie Hitler

Because the only thing worse than some wannabe pin-up model in Nazi gear is the reanimated Führer himself. But no worries, the only thing you got to watch out for now is his insatiable hunger for BRAAAAAAINS!

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Jose D. Duran is the associate editor of Miami New Times. He's the strategist behind the publication's eyebrow-raising Facebook and Twitter feeds. He has also been reporting on Miami's cultural scene since 2006. He has a BS in journalism and will live in Miami as long as climate change permits.
Contact: Jose D. Duran