We the People thank Mexico for all they've given us. Like, Texas, Arizona, and yeah, New Mexico. They didn't actually give us all that land, you say? Fuhgeddaboutit, we're taking their holidays too.
Mexican parties are fucking awesome. In los Estados Unidos, Cinco De Mayo is synonymous with taco nights, tequila shots, and more Coronas than you can throw our territory thieving government at.
Here are our top five Cinco De Mayo 2011 parties in Miami
5. Cinco De Drinko Hot Peppa' Palooza at Tobacco Road
The Road may have the oldest liquor license in the county, walls steeped in jazz and blues history, and a world famous stage. But the parking lot is equally impressive. A killer view of Miami, asphalt full of food trucks, an ice-cold drink in your hand, band rockin' out, and Spanish wordage floating on that mota (that's weed in cholo) will have you feeling like you're at a street party in Tijuana.
4. Mariachi Nomads at Cocowalk
The Grove is back. Sure, the waterbums and college kids knew it all along. But with new restaurants, drinking spots, and life in the area, there's reason for you to hit it too. Cocowalk, the originators of the outdoor mall, are throwing a party and they've invited a full mariachi band to play the gig. Now grab your flask and hit the streets.
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3. Subterraneo Day of The Dead Party
Take the excess of Cinco De Mayo and add the Mexican death aesthetic and you've Cinco de Muerto, a Fifth of May day of the dead party featuring Spam AllStars and Suénalo. Send your RSVP to firstname.lastname@example.org and claim that free Jose Cuervo drink you're entitled to. This is America dammit.
2. Loose Cannons On The Run Bike Party Between El Rancho Grande on the beach, and Bar in downtown
Because group bike rides are fun. Drunk ones are too. And it sure beats a DUI. Make a pit stop at the Española Way street fest for free shots on the way. It's sure to be an awesome scene. But please beware of all the drunk drivers on the streets. Good parties beat dead bodies. Be careful out there.
1. 2011 Cinco de Mayo Festival in downtown Homestead
The most authentic Cinco De Mayo festival in all of Dade County takes place this Saturday down south on the actually awesome Main Street of downtown Homestead. Multi-platinum selling, two-time Grammy winner Jon Secada will play a full concert alongside Veracruz's own Mexico Grupo Tierra Libre, the Mariachi Voces de America, and various Norteña, and Tejana bands. There will also be great food and drinks, traditional dancing, a jalapeño-eating contest, and all proceeds from the festival will be used to fund academic scholarships for underprivileged kids. The party starts at noon and goes till 10 p.m., and it's totally free. And just to emphasize the point ... It's happening Saturday.