Bearded brewski lovers, former college frat boys, tatted ex-military men, girls walking around in red Tootsie's t-shirts promoting the strip club, and an 88-year old man cruising around on a walker ... Welcome to Miami New Times' Brew at the Zoo.
Over the weekend, the booze fest attracted an unlikely group of people to Zoo Miami for a night of beer, food, music, and debauchery.
"I had a conversation with a homeless guy," Tony Garrandes said about the craziest thing that ever happened to him while drunk.
"He wanted some lines and I said, 'Sorry, I finished them all,'" the 20-something year old laughed.
"This was told to me by my friend. I don't remember," he said. "It was the first time I ever blacked out. It happened last year on my birthday on Halloween."
Scoping out the crowd for the next spot to score some beer were former military guys Chris Romero and Eric Novo, and a lady friend. The two dudes met while on deployment in Guantánamo Bay between 2010 and 2011.
"He would pee at the foot of my bed," said Romero as he pointed and laughed at his friend Novo who was wearing a black t-shirt, holding an empty beer cup, and looking away in embarrassment.
"I would yell, 'No Novo!' like a dog," said Romero, the ex-solider.
Defending himself, Novo responded, "I have no idea how it happened. I just remember having fun before."
Apparently, though, no amount of pee could destroy this bromance.
A few minutes later, we ran into white-haired, octogenarian badass Bob Beck. He was wearing a dark navy t-shirt emblazoned with "S.O.B.," an acronym (in this case) for "Sexy Old Buzzard."
"This is his fourth time coming here," said the woman who accompanied Beck.
"I used to ride a motorcycle," Beck told us with an ear-to-ear grin. "Now I ride around on a three-wheeled scooter."
Once a rider, always a rider, Bob.
Our convo with Bob was interrupted by a group of guys who insisted on pics with the Sexy Old Buzzard.
"I went mosh pitting with a black guy who looked like Hitler," laughed Jaicee Hensley, proudly wearing a white Mr. Rogers screen tee that read, "It's all good in the hood."
"I was with my homegirl at the Green Day concert last year, making sure she didn't get hit, but then I joined in," said Hensley, who aside from being a mosh pit junkie is a t-shirt designer.
But as Jaicee recalled his drunken pop-punk days, a group of girls wearing red Tootsie's t-shirts walked by and distracted the fellas.
"I went streaking down the beach in Puerto Rico," admitted Joannie Yeargin, a tall brunette with a pony tail. "I got tired of wearing a swim suit."
Oh, and why not. What happens in Puerto Rico, stays in Puerto Rico.
But what happens at Brew at the Zoo, does not stay at Brew at the Zoo. That's why it's important to learn to hold your liquor.
Just ask curly haired Tracy Bertrand. Wearing a tribal-printed black and green top, Bertrand recalled the first time she "got trashed."
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"It was at the Denny's across the street from UM. It was my 21st birthday and I had to drink an entire six pack of Smirnoff Ice," she laughed.
"I projectile vomited. I mean, to the back of the toilet. Everywhere but the toilet. I missed it."
At the zoo, though, Tracy stayed classy. No vomit.