The Worst of Coachella 2012

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See LA Weekly's complete Coachella coverage -- the top moments from Friday, April 20, four highlights from Saturday, April 21, including Black Lips' Biggie Smalls "hologram, and the five best things from Sunday, April 22.

It couldn't all be great performances, decent recreational drugs, and pleasant weather at Coachella 2012. Here are our writers' picks for their least favorite things from this year's festival.

Weekend One

The Bathroom Situation

The porta-potties at Coachella were truly repulsive. As the festival progressed, the combined waste of 90,000 accumulated, for lack of a better word. By Sunday not only was it unbearable to be inside one of them, they reeked for a great distance. And God you be barefoot (as many Coachellians were): the floors of the more disgusting units resembled Jackson Pollock paintings. The only opinion was to plug your nose and hope you didn't catch anything, since toilet-seat covers were nowhere to be found. Even worse, in the crush of people exiting after the Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg show, some assholes thought it would be funny to shake the units bordering the campgrounds -- while people were inside. It wasn't. -Kai Flanders

Worst Headgear

Nothing says "Stay away from me boys, I'm crazy," like wearing a wedding veil to Coachella. Here comes the bride! -Neda Salamat

Douchebag Balloon-Popper

Sometimes, even at Coachella, people are assholes. Everybody loves the giant balloon strings that stretch across the Empire Polo grounds. They're fun to hold on to; the sensation is sort of like flying a kite. But one giant douchebag -- some white dude in wayfarers and a white tank-top -- was witnessed grabbing the string of balloons, walking a few steps, pulling out a pin (he had a fucking pin!) and popping a balloon before letting go of the others and walking off anonymously. Bystanders mostly stood around, mouths agape, mellows completely harshed by the incident. -Adam Lovinus

The Size of the Crowd at Sunday's Company Flow Show

Sure, when Brooklyn backpack hip-hop group Company Flow was in their '90s heyday, many Coachella-goers had not yet been conceived. Still, they're effing seminal, and their show was practically empty. Like, there were probably more girls named Ashley at the preceding Gotye show than Company Flow's entire draw. Shame, shame, generation Instagram. -Ben Westhoff

Gotye's (Fair Weather) Fans

And speak of the devil, it turns out Gotye was clearly booked for the wrong stage; when he started at 7:10 the Mohave tent was filled way beyond capacity, provoking an aggressive shoulder shuffle. It was difficult to see and hear his short set, but it was obvious when his hit "Somebody That I Used to Know" came on, as the crowd went wild, pushing hard to catch a glimpse of what sounded like Kimbra's arrival. Yet after the tune ended, the crowd quickly cleared -- and Gotye was still in the middle of his set. Perhaps a full third of those in attendance simply bailed, forgoing some of his best songs. Tip for second weekenders: If you'd like to see Gotye get there early! -Gabrielle Canon

Weekend Two

People Not Here for the Music

If you're paying $300-$800 for a festival ticket, one might think you were a diehard music fan psyched to hear some tunes. But this wasn't the case for many scenesters, particularly some teens and frat boys more interested in flaunting their chiseled figures. If they had vacation money to burn, wouldn't Hawaii or even Vegas have done the job just as well? -Daniel Kohn

The Disposable Camera

We hate it when people block our view at shows with their digital cameras. We hate it even more when they block our view with a disposable one, especially from 500 feet away. You're almost guaranteed a horrible shot, so why bother even paying to develop the film? --Gabriel Ryan

Something Fogerty

Following Levon Helm's death, the Black Keys honored the legendary drummer, enlisting John Fogerty of Creedence Clearwater Revival in the process to perform The Band's most iconic song, "The Weight." It was a beautiful moment, yet it was mucked up for us when we heard a young woman kvetching: "This guy got mad at me because I didn't know who that guy was...something Fogerty." Actually, dear, that guy was right to be mad at you and, frankly, so are we. --Taylor Hamby

The Kid Who Tried to Steal Our iPhone

The people on drugs were cool this weekend, and so were the security guards, even though they had to wear black in the sun. But as we were watching A$AP Rocky's show, our bag was jostled. Immediately turning around, we saw a kid holding our phone, his eyes wide. "You dropped your phone," he said. False. You dropped your hand into our purse. Jerk. --Rebecca Haithcoat

See Something, Say Something

During Laura Marling's set on Saturday, as we pushed through the crowd to get to the front, we were horrified to find a circle of people staring at a kid lying on his side throwing up. He was too weak to even lift his head and he seemed likely to choke on his own vomit. AND NO ONE DID ANYTHING. So we ran for security and got the EMTs as fast as we could. The kid was fine, but the set was ruined for us. Moral of the story: if you see someone in trouble at Coachella, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Get help. It's the Jeff Mangum thing to do. --Molly Bergen

See The Worst of Coachella: Weekend One.

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