Slow clap for Justin Bieber.
Two and a half years ago, the then-19-year-old bad boy spat on die-hard fans, peed in janitorial buckets, cursed at framed pictures of former presidents, and got arrested for drag racing on residential Miami Beach streets. He went from a rosy-cheeked tween king to the nation's most hated shit-kicker in mere months, sometimes even alienating the very Beliebers who led to his creation.
His longtime girlfriend left him. His pet monkey was confiscated in Germany. It seemed the singer's career was close to done. Inches from going full Corey Feldman, he clearly wasn't growing out of the cute phase cutely enough. But then, a miracle. Bieber prayed a lot, and God apparently told him to stop being an asshole. He celebrated his 21st birthday at a Comedy Central roast where he willingly accepted some long-overdue punishment. He got in the studio with Skrillex and Diplo. He cried onstage at the MTV Video Music Awards. He found forgiveness. It was not too late to say sorry.
Everyone applauds Justin's social 180, but we think the transformation of his fan base is far more interesting. People who five years ago wouldn't admit to knowing what he looked like now know every word to "Sorry" and sing along with gusto. Men and women of all ages find themselves sick with Bieber fever. You might say it's a Purpose-full pandemic. The crowd at his Miami appearances this Saturday and Sunday will no doubt be surprising.
Here's whom you'll find roaming the American Airlines Arena.
7. The white guy with Japanese tattoos who says "it's lit" way too much.
This dude is either a DJ or a producer or a blogger or an artist manager or a PR rep or some abominable amalgamation of all those things. He's the guy who, when you say you like Skrillex, responds with, "Oh, you mean Sonny?" He loves bass music and things that are "kawaii," and since Skrilly and Bieber got together, that means he's had Purpose on repeat since the moment it dropped. It was uncomfortable for him at first, but he's gone full superfan now. Watch him as he puts up his prayer hands and sways.
6. The older woman at work who always makes inappropriate comments about supple young white guys.
This woman makes you kind of uncomfortable, but then again, she's way fun at the holiday party. Justin Bieber is no longer a hairless boy, and you know this, because the home screen on her computer is a closeup of his Calvin Klein ad. She saved her money for the good tickets, and she's certain he'll spy her in the audience and bring her onstage for a steamy make-out session. Expect to see her Monday in her new tour T-shirt, muttering to herself in her cubicle: "That boy is scrum-diddly-umptious."
5. The mom who's leaving her tween daughter at home and going out to get drunk with her girlfriends.
Pack the minivan with 40-year-olds and wine coolers. We're going to relive our 20s and put the tight matching tees on tonight. This mom already knows he's a good performer. She liked what she saw when she chaperoned her tween daughter at a Bieber concert four years ago. But shit's gonna be a lot more fun with the kids in bed and the
It's all low-key smirks and sarcastic comments on the way in, but once the lights go down, this person will be dancing harder than any other. These hipsters are ready to bachata and dutty wine their way through "Sorry." They travel in packs, and they talk through half the show, but they're just so well dressed and always down to share their vodka flask. Crew
3. That bad bitch who already has the hookup at the LIV afterparty.
She fucks with only the bad boys, and now that Bieber has a face tattoo, she figures he's bad enough. Songs like
2. The person who takes the Rihanna-versus-Beyoncé debate very seriously and may or may not
Snapchat is not ready for the shit it's about to go through. The mouth is stuck in permanent duck face, and the selfies will rain like bills at a titty bar. Turn your volume down so you don't go deaf when he or she starts singing along, and
1. That guy who says he's a local rap promoter but you're pretty sure he's just a weed dealer.
Hey, man, he just goes where the party goes, and this is the hottest ticket in town. Bieber loves that weed, and to be honest, "Where Are Ü Now" is kind of a jam that deserves a few tokes. Bieber even did a song with Nas! That's pretty dope, you know? Speaking of dope, here's a flier for his next event featuring two local MCs and a man named Yung Zachariah who once got retweeted by A$AP Rocky. Oh, and he smuggled a few sacks in with him. He knows the guys who work construction out here. Let him know if you or someone you know is lookin'.
Justin Bieber. On the Purpose World Tour. 7:30 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, July 2 and 3, at the American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 786-777-1000 or aaarena.com. Tickets cost $50.50 to $126 plus fees via ticketmaster.com.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.