Miami's annual Swim Week is both an international celebration of the latest in swimwear fashion and the plot of a 13-year-old boy's erotic novel: A sunny city awakens one morning to find it has been invaded by models in... bikinis.
If you're not interested in runways or fashion or bikinis, there's still no shortage of parties and events to choose from happening this week. Some, unfortunately, are invite-only; others require an RSVP; and some are graciously open to the public.
Take a look at your options below.
9. SKAM Artist Swim Week Takeover at Hyde Beach with DJ Saint Clair. 11 a.m. Friday, July 15. DJ Sam Pace. 11 a.m. Saturday, July 16. DJ Caroline D'Amore. 11 a.m. Sunday, July 17, at Hyde Beach at SLS South Beach, 1701 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-1701; reservations recommended via hydebeach.com.
SKAM, an agency boasting over 80 DJs, will be unloading its roster upon Miami this week. Hyde Beach will be ground zero for the SKAM invasion with three consecutive days of parties featuring the likes of Sam Pace, Caroline D'Amore, and DJ Saint Clair. The event is open to the public, but reservations are highly recommended. Also highly recommended: being beautiful.
8. Miami Swim Week/SKAM Fridays. 11:55 p.m. Friday, July 15, at Wall Lounge, 2201 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-938-3130; wallmiami.com. Tickets cost $47.60 plus fees via wantickets.com.
Hey, it's SKAM! Remember them from five seconds ago? We swear this post isn't sponsored by SKAM, but nonetheless they're back celebrating the tail end of Swim Week at their weekly Friday party at Wall Lounge. The lineup has yet to be announced, so keep an eye on the Facebook event page.
7. SPF Runway Brunch. 11 a.m. Sunday, July 17, at Nikki Beach, 1 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach; 305-538-1111; nikkibeach.com. Brunch is $49.95.
At Nikki Beach, you'll be able to stuff your face with Nutella waffles, prime rib, and eggs Benedict while watching models who probably haven't had more than a cucumber sandwich in the past week. Jay Jay Swim, Acid NYC, Yas Gonzalez, Cai Swimwear, Lila Nikole, and more will be on display while you chow down and chug mimosas.
6. Brody Jenner. 11 p.m. Saturday, July 16, at E11even, 29 NE 11th St., Miami; 305-829-2911; 11miami.com. Tickets cost $23 to $35 via tixr.com.
EDM rewards precisely the sort of qualities Jenner has been cultivating his whole life — mainly, a well-formed jawline and the ability to look like you know what you're doing. The reality star from shows like Bromance, a competition in which a bunch of bros competed for the chance to become Jenner's best bud, will be spinning in honor of Miami Swim Week at E11even this Saturday. The after party will be hosted by his fiancee Kaitlynn Carter and her online shopping site foraycollective.com. If Jenner's not your cup of tea, you can swing by E11even on Thursday to check out MADDS spin for the Vampped Miami Swim Tour.
5. SWIMMIAMI Kick-Off Party with Kent Jones and
You can RSVP via the email address above for a chance to rub elbows with Swim Week elite at the W South Beach. Fashion aside, the soundtrack should be on point with help from Khaled protégé Kent Jones and reggaeton artist Vikina Lopez.
4. Aloha! Sunset Party. 4 p.m. Sunday, July 17, at the Delano South Beach, 1685 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-672-2000; hungrypost.com. All-you-can-eat selection costs $45.
The last day of Swim Week is for giving those bikini diets two big spoonfuls of Go Fuck Yourself. And thanks to the Delano and event hosts The Hungry Post and NOBE67, you can do just that on Sunday. $45 will get you an all-you-can-eat selection of roasted pig, charred pineapple salad, and a whole lot more while you sit poolside at the Delano, bloated and proud.
3. Beach Bunny Swimwear After Party with Voco. 11:30 p.m. Friday, July 15, at Rockwell, 743 Washington Ave.; 305-793-3882; rockwellmiami.com. Admission is $20 to $40.
Beach Bunny Swimwear is hosting its official after party at the (relatively) new Washington Ave. club Rockwell. L.A.'s DJ Lucien will be spinning and, as is usually customary at Rockwell, a few celebs will probably roll through to pop a bottle or two.
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Those looking for a more relaxed Swim Week party should shoot an email off to email@example.com and cross their fingers. While the Miami Beach spa/hotel is known for its exclusivity, those who have been lucky enough to see its innards understand why. There are few prettier and more luxurious spots in South Florida. The day will be hosted by swimwear line Mara Hoffman, and there will also be barbecue.
1. MIAMI Magazine’s 8th-Annual SPLASHION with YesJulz and Uncle Luke. 8 p.m. Tuesday, July 12, at the W South Beach, 2201 Collins Ave., Miami Beach.
Sorry to break your heart, but one of the most turnt parties coming to Swim Week is, sadly, invite-only. The last time YesJulz and Uncle Luke were together, it was for Red Bull's United States of Bass at Gramps last October, and booties are still recovering. It's sure to be a slightly less ratchet affair this time around at the W, but we suspect a butt or two will still shake nonetheless. Maybe you can try sneaking in? Tell people you're MaybeJulz, YesJulz's second cousin.