Noise. It sucks. It hurts the ear.
But every year, Rat Bastard's International Noise Conference draws sickos from around the world to Churchill's Pub for a free, curated, four-night concert series featuring the worst sounds humans are capable of producing without drones or laptops.
All the bands have terrible names. Here are the ten worst.
10. Loop Retard
Objection: The Americans with Disabilities Act does not approve
Suggestion: Asperger's Loop
Objection: Hard to pronounce.
Suggestion: Burning Sideways Iron in Your Mouth
8. Unicorn Hard-On
Suggestion: Tumescent Magic Horse Cock in Hot, Wet, Magic-Horse Pussy.
Objection: It's only ever cold enough to wear a ballscarf in Miami once a year.
Suggestion: Testicular Wifebeater
6. Chrome Dick
Objection: Ruins nerve endings.
Suggestion: Non-Corrosive Spray-On Chrome Dick Spray
5. Low Level Lazer Radiation
Suggestion: Exploding Radiation Up Your Ass Twice Repeatedly
4. Lazer Slut
Objection: What's with all the lazers?
Suggestion: Lazier Slut
3. Lazy Magnet
Objection: Not enough lazers.
Suggestion: Lazer Dragnet
2. Venison Whirled
Objection: Hippie shit.
Suggestion: Baby Deer Cheese Grater
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Objection: Sounds French.
Suggestion: A Form of Dungeon Accessible Only From a Hatch in a High Ceiling
International Noise Conference 2012. Wednesday, February 8, to Saturday, February 11. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE 2nd Ave., Miami. The noise begins at 9 p.m. on Wednesday and Thursday, 7 p.m. on Friday, and 5 p.m. on Sunday. No cover. Call 305-757-1807 or visit churchillspub.com.