Oh, America the beautiful.
After 237 years of freedom and fireworks, you still shine on, a beacon of hope for all the world to see. And we, your beautiful people, continue to raise our glasses and our flag-manicured fingers to the sky every Fourth of July.
Being a United States citizen comes with certain unalienable rights. Like life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Oh, and the freedom to turn our nation's flag into something with which to cover your expensive, fake tits.
We all look down on burning a flag, and you shouldn't step on it. But wearing it as a bikini is strongly encouraged.