Steve Angello at LIV May 6

Miami is totally obsessed with Steve Angello. And obviously the Swedish House Mafia member and Size Records label boss loves us back.

How can we tell? Stevie dropped the first hint when he and his fellow Mafia men — Axwell and Sebastian Ingrosso — codedicated a song to us. It's called "Miami 2 Ibiza," and the entire world has been banging its brains out to that beat for the past year. Plus there are the explicit postcards from Dubai, Tokyo, and other exotic locales; the late-night phone sex; and the private plane trips to MIA almost every other weekend since Miami Music Week for booty calls and club gigs.

Now, just to prove this romance isn't one-sided, here are five reasons Stevie should drop the long-distance bullshit, move to Miami right fucking now, and become our full-time lover: (1) We're way better than that Ibiza bitch, (2) our SoBe condo comes equipped with custom confetti canons, (3) we have a Colombian doctor who's hooked up a Viagra prescription with endless refills, (4) our boob job is awesome, and (5) we will never stop dancing unless it's time to take off our clothes and go to bed.

So, Stevie, deal?

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
S. Pajot

Latest Stories