Ultra Music Festival seems like it's all fun, games, and "2-hot-4-u" LARPers in furry boots.
But in actuality, this three-day electronic music extravaganza is a cross between the Pleasuredome and the Thunderdome.
And there's no better illustration of Ultra at its most debauched and dangerous than the Skrillex mosh pit. It is truly one of the most intense(ly ridiculous) phenomenons that you might encounter this weekend.
See the cut for an extremely detailed breakdown.
Before even clicking play, the viewer is greeted by a pair of shirtless bros in cargo shorts. This is the first sign that our hunt for post-nu-metal-dubstep-rave moshing is on the right track.
0:00 - 0:01
Hey, bro. You might want to put away your Twitter machine and suit up like a linebacker cause you 'bout to get Skrillexed.
0:03 - 0:07
The slam dancing floodgates open as the coiffed prince of video-game dubstep gives the rolling masses exactly what they're crying out for in fat-tongued shouts of madness. They're on some smiley-faced, pressed-pill doses of amphetamine that could turn an elephant into a mouse. They need the bass drop.
0:07 - 0:10
You can practically hear the camera operator thinking to themselves: "Maybe I should go stand by that peaceful pool noodle."
0:10 - 0:16
Here he is, ladies and gentleman: The living embodiment of Ultra Music Festival. Take a quick inventory of this man's dress, the size of his pupils. What if this was your son? How isn't there already an Ultra equivalent to Girls Gone Wild? Just instead of pressuring blacked-out sorority chicks into whipping out their titties, you let candy-flipping freaks scream shit at the camera like, "YEAH! SKRILLEX! ULTRA!" or "I THINK I FEEL IT? CAN U FEEL IT?"
0:18 - 0:21
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At the very moment when the pit really starts to churn, the camera operator from 0:01 can be seen desperately crawling out of the research chemical trenches. Talk about embedded journalism. Crossfade would like to take this opportunity to formally dare Anderson Cooper to get caught in a mosh during Skrillex@Ultra.
0:21 - 0:38
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Skrillex drops a bass breakdown within a bass breakdown, and there isn't a bro with a shirt on for miles. Some jabroni on the outskirts is wearing a homemade Deadmau5 head, which reminds us of both Where's Waldo? (on ketamine) and a dead canary in a coal mine (on ketamine).