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Six Best Parties on South Beach This Weekend

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Congratulations, you've made it through one more hellish week of commute, lunch breaks, anxiety, and that stupid bitch who sits next to you. You deserve a prize for putting up with that place.

What's the prize? All the alcohol your hard-earned money can buy. And hopefully, some dirty-dirty, either with someone you care about or someone you don't even know yet!

It's South Beach, motherfuckers! This is how we roll!

See also:

-Five Best Concerts in Miami This Week

-Gramps Grand Opening Week: Dance Contest, No Name, Jacuzzi Boys, and More

-Super Bowl 2013: Ten Best Free Parties in Miami

-Miss Kittin on Being an EDM Outsider: "It's a Hard Role to Play, But That's My Duty"

Erick Morillo. Friday, February 1. Story, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. The party starts at 11 p.m. and tickets cost $30 to $100 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Call 305-479-4426 or visit storymiami.com. Talk about a fucking legend ... Erick Morillo has been rocking people who like to move it, move it for almost two decades. But the good thing about DJs: they don't do anything but refine with age. Come check out his seasoned skills in the new spot.

Designer Drugs. Friday, February 1. Bamboo, 550 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. The party starts at 11 p.m. and tickets cost $20 to $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Call 305-695-4771 or visit bamboomiamibeach.com. A lot of designer drugs going around make you feel all lovey-dovey, but this particular brand will make you get hyphy and smash something. Fucking grindcore electro punk death rattle is what this should be called. Get sweaty with the Sex Cult.

Icona Pop. Friday, February 1. LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. The party starts at 11 p.m and tickets cost $40 to $60 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Call 305-674-4680 or visit livnightclub.com. These sexy crooners are coming all the way from Sweden to bring you the freshest in synth-pop seductions. It'll be a beautiful accompaniment to LIV's sexy layout. You know you wanna fall in love under the lights tonight.

LA Riots. Friday, February 1. Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. The party starts at 11 p.m. and tickets cost $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Call 305-695-8411 or visit mansionmiami.com. These aren't the violent LA Riots from your history book, but an L.A.-based wonder who'll make you jump out of your seat and boogie till you drop. Electro at its finest with plenty of groove. Make sure you hit this party up if you're looking for ruckus.

Miss Kittin and Kevin Saunderson Saturday, February 2. Story, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. The party starts at 11 p.m. and tickets cost $30 to $40 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Call 305-479-4426 or visit storymiami.com. Are you old enough to remember a time before "EDM" became a ubiquitous genre term and electroclash was all the rage with the pre-hipster hipsters? Put on your early '00s hat and get the fuck down to some swanky tunes from the iconic Miss Kittin. You'll remember why you got into dance music in the first place.

Pusha T. Saturday, February 2. Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. The party starts at 11 p.m. and tickets cost $30 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Call 786-235-5800 or visit cameomiami.com. Hey dude, your chick, she's so thirsty. Mercy, you should probably take that thirsty bitch to see Pusha T at Cameo. But mega-hit jokes aside, this guy has been in the game for a minute, and he's definitely going to give you a show to remember. Plus, the ladies love Cameo, and it's some model bitches' birthday. Time to get it.

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