The Miami Heat better show up tonight and do work against that group of underpaid unknowns collectively referred to as the Indiana Pacers.
Despite losing by only a single possession, Tuesday's game was incredibly embarrassing. Home losses suck.
But on the bright side, we don't live in Indianapolis. Imagine what their club party guide looks like. Seriously, how many weekends full of half-off beer pitchers at the bowling alley and "(Back Home Again in) Indiana" can you stomach?
Here are the top six club parties on South Beach, a real city's guide to nightlife.
Kontrol Presents Dubfire. Thursday, May 17, 11 p.m., Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Visit mansionmiami.com. He was formerly one-half of Deep Dish. But Ali Shirazinia is best known by his stage name, Dubfire. And if Robin Williams were to play him in a film, the movie would be called Ms. Dubfire.
Digital Fridays Presents Sydney Blu. Friday, May 18, 11 p.m., Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Visit cameomiami.com. We will fight anyone who says that electronic dance music is strictly a man's game.
Magic Circus Presents Otto Knows. Friday, May 18, 11 p.m., Amnesia, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Visit amnesiamiami.com. A "Million Voices" will scream for Otto Knows when the Swede takes over the decks at Amnesia this weekend.
KNR Restaurant Group Presents DJ Sneak. Saturday, May 19, 10 p.m., WALL Lounge, 2201 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Visit wallmiami.com. Wait, just $1,500 for a table of six and a house music pioneer? It's totally worth the payday advance loan.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
LIV Presents Dirty South. Saturday, May 18, 11 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Visit livnightclub.com. It's hard to believe that only 131,000 or so people "Like" this Aussie on Facebook. Dude's one of the best DJs around, hands down.
Amnesia Presents Sebastian Ingrosso. Sunday, May 19, 11 p.m., Amnesia Miami, 123 Collins Ave., Miami Beach. Visit amnesiamiami.com. It may be a Swedish invasion at Amnesia this weekend. But only one Nordic prince is going to "fuck this place in the pussy."