Last month, Crossfade reported a series of seizures suffered by M.I.Yayo's own Teflon Don, Rick Ross.
The mess started aboard a flight from Ft. Lauderdale to Mephis, where Rozay was opening a brand new Wing Stop franchise. And matters only got worse when The Bawse checked himself out of the hospital only to suffer a second seizure on his private jet.
Yesterday, the rapper appeared on BET's 106 & Park, claiming the seizures were due to five years' lack of sleep. However, we don't believe a daily siesta alone is going to be enough to get Ross back in good health.
So after the jump, check out the five key principle's of Crossfade's Maybach Muscles Health and Wellness Program.
5. Put Down the Lemon-Pepper Chicken Wing
First things, first: The Bawse needs to refresh his diet. The rapper has never been ashamed to admit his fondness for Wing Stop and "crab meats." But dude needs to go hard-core vegan if he wants to get himself straight.
4. Hire Richard Simmons
Fuck Celebrity Fat Brigade or whatever. Imagine a VH1 reality show in which Richard Simmons is Ricky Rozay's personal trainer.
3. Maybach Munchies Needs to Capitalize on the Vegan Cupcake Trend
Ross loves fast food so much that he's opening up his own BBQ chicken franchise. But if he wants to make it through another decade of hustlin', the Maybach mastermind should consider repurposing his restaurants as low-cholesterol raw vegan cafes that only serve cupcakes and twine.
2. OM Like a Bawse
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Might we suggest Mr. Ross trade in a dozen or so blunts a day for a lil' Ashatanga Yoga?
But most importantly, Rick Ross needs to lay off the damn yayo and get some rest. He said it himself, "That shit's bad for your skin."