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We’ve said it before and, goddamn it, and we’ll say it again: Today’s rappers are softer than baby thighs.
Biggie and Pac were actual gangbangers. Ol’ Dirty Bastard freebased so much crack cocaine that he changed his name from Big Baby Jesus to Dirt McGirt to Osirus and back again. And every month, like clockwork, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony cashed their welfare checks on the “1st of tha Month” and promptly blew their entire dole on marijuana.
But today’s MCs are getting busted for totally wimpy crimes like forgetting to pay their taxes or driving with a suspended license. If you’re lucky, Gucci Mane might lose his mind and get more food tattooed on his face. And that’s only if you’re lucky.
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–Rick Ross Don’t Forgive Armed Detroit Thugs Who Robbed His Tour Bus
Thankfully, Rick Ross and Young Jeezy have made it their personal perogatives to re-personify rappers as petulant macho adult babies that can’t control themselves at televised award shows. But their mission to revive actual violence in hip-hop doesn’t come without cost, specifically more-than-a-little bad ju-ju.
At the BET Awards, Rozay and Jeezy brawled, smashed a mirror, and incurred a solid seven years of bad luck.
It’s ironic that The Bawse would be involved in such a scuffle, as there is practically a cottage industry running parallel to his career concerned with deflating the Maybach Music maestro’s SoFla Don Corleone image. Where the haters at now?
But we’re not here to have that conversation again. We’re here to urgently recommend that both rappers hit up their local botánicas ASAP, and start leaving fat-ass blunts at the feet of hand-painted procelain statues of saints. And while they’re at it, could it hurt to include some good ol’ fashioned rabbit’s feet, four leaf clovers, and lucky soiled underpants.
Beat that bad ju-ju! Squash the beef! Keep stackin’ that cash!
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