The R. Kelly Love Letter Cruise is cancelled.
Almost exactly eight months ago, we here at Crossfade encouraged "you and your boo [to] visit some of the most exotic ports of call in the Caribbean (read: tourist traps) while enjoying 'continental breakfast in bed' and all-you-can-drink 'non-carbonated beverages'" with the legendary slow jammer and notorious water sports enthusiast.
But now this freaky threesome at sea ain't nothing but a fantasy.
In the the official 15-second promotional video, Robert Sylvester Kelly teased us, purring, "It's your boy Kells. And I'm doin' a very excitin' Love Letter Cruise. I want y'all to come through. Get on the ship. Let's have some fun ... Love Letter Cruise."
And yet as that promo presciently indicated: "You've heard him on the radio. You've heard him on land. But you've never heard him at sea."
Over the weekend, Kelly killed the cruise with a statement on his official website:
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Concerts Cruise LLC has been unable to meet its financial obligations to a scheduled cruise with featured performer R. Kelly and will therefore have to cancel this cruise. R. Kelly had been looking forward to the cruise and was ready, willing and able to perform for fans. He is sorry for any disappointment but plans to see his fans very soon on a U.S. tour. Ticket holders should contact Concerts Cruise LLC to handle refunds.
Now who's gonna give us that "Bump 'n' Grind" on the Verandah deck?
R. Kelly's Love Letter Cruise. Monday, October 1, to Friday, October 5, 2012. Carnival Destiny. Ports-of-call include Grand Turks, Half Moon Cay, and Nassau, Bahamas. Prices range from $999 to $2,999 per person. Visit concertcruise.com.