Night Watch is a regular feature about bars and clubs by nightlife columnist Tara Nieuwesteeg.
It was in the low 70s--breezy, but pleasant--as my wingman and I walked up starry Hollywood Boulevard. The air was crisp, and the street was alive with the clicking of high heels, the kind of loud talking that alcohol consumption causes, the crackling of different languages, and Latin guitar wafting up from the nearest club. We passed a gaggle of squealing girls, a couple speaking feverishly in French, and a of couple guys clearly on the prowl. And that was just in the first three minutes.
Hollywood has its fair share of sparkling, beautiful beaches, and when one is in need of a sparkling, beautiful beverage, there's no choice but to hit up Hollywood Boulevard. You'll see everything from steamy salsa-dancing to short skirts; you'll glimpse some of the finest plastic surgery in all of South Florida; you'll find a mix of shenanigan-filled Irish pubs, sultry Latin clubs, meat-market dives, and even a jazzy bohemian beer joint.
We popped into Coyotes Bar (1926 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood, 954-620-7046), where the a Jay-Z/Linkin Park mashup throbbed in our heads as my wingman Beard and I trotted past the dancing, lip-synching bouncer.
The patio area and relatively small indoor space were divided by clear
sliding glass doors; the kind that, when shut, dogs and slobbering
drunks run directly into. A long mural of happy partiers ran on the
wall directly above the wave-shaped bar. A low-lit brick and wood theme
dominated the décor; candles spotted the few tables; hookahs sat at the
ready. Girls' soccer played on TV, but the collection of pretty
partiers paid it no heed. We took a seat at a high, round table and
ordered a couple bourbon-and-Cokes from the ponytailed bartender.
"How long has this place been open?" I asked the dark-haired bartender,
He considered. "A long time."
"Any relation to Coyote Ugly?"
His jovial look turned serious. "No. None. They were around before us,
but we're doing our own thing. The only similarity is the name."
patrons of this Coyote's certainly weren't ugly. Nor were they sober.
When the new Sean Kingston song blasted from the speakers, a tall woman
in a sheer, peacock-colored outfit and high heels shuffled to the empty
floor space. She heavy-stepped around in a pattern of drunken,
mechanical dance steps.
"There are more shaved heads here than in a
Tibetan monastery," said my friend, Beard, stirring his bourbon and
looking sarcastically at a group of guys who had just walked in. Many
of them wore tight, shiny T-shirts and had closely cropped hair. Since
all available women in the bar were preoccupied with other men, the
guys just sort of hung out and tried to look cool.
A young woman in a
chic red dress leaned on her barstool until she fell directly into a
guy who could have passed for Jon Gosselin if Jon Gosselin were
better-looking. I overheard a big fellow tell a methodically
chain-smoking, dark-haired girl these charming words: "Well, do you
want to go home with me or not?"
Meanwhile, a bleach-blonde probably in
her early 40s came stumbling in, turned a few heads with her massive
rack, and then moseyed up to the bar. When she attempted to high-five
the bartender, she missed his hand. Twice. At that point some of the
bored Tibetan-monk-guys had taken notice of this buxom potential victim
and began to swarm around the patio like sharks.
It was time to drink elsewhere. As we exited, we couldn't help but
notice that the burly bouncer was still lip-synching.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.