Miley Cyrus at Basel 2014: "You Thought This Was a Place Where You Could Escape Me"

Fat blunts. Penis costumes. A topless Amazonian disco diva. And the art-world elite.

Last night, Miley Cyrus brought the hot mess to Art Basel Miami Beach week with a ratchet cabaret show at the Raleigh Hotel, as part of Jeffrey Deitch, Tommy Hilfiger, and V Magazine's ultra-exclusive #ABMB kickoff bash.

"You thought this was a respected place where you could escape me," everyone's favorite white-girl twerker teased.

Nuh-uh, dummies.

See also: Miley Cyrus' Top Ten Fashion Freakouts

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

Now, we here at Crossfade carefully followed RSVP protocol in hopes of securing a spot at Miley's Basel rager. But we were ultimately deemed not VIP enough.

So we lurked around the Raleigh. Waited among the riffraff. Tried bribing doormen. Peeked over fences. And survived a crush of desperate Smilers (AKA Cyrus fans) who attempted to breach security.

In the end, it became necessary to content ourselves with pics from Miley's Instagram, the reports of very important people, and some news that Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne would indeed be making a cameo.

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

See also: Miley Cyrus' Guide to Drugs: Weed, Cocaine, Molly, and More!

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

For the chi-chi crowd, Miley -- wearing disco ball pasties, silver tinsel wig, a silver string bathing suit over silver leggings, and silver ballet flats -- played some classic covers and a song about death inspired by a dream about a cat.

She, along with the topless Amazonian diva, did Rick James' "Super Freak" before moving on to now-familiar Miley faves like Led Zeppelin's "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" and the Beatles' "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds," which Cyrus just recorded as part of Coyne and the Lips' With a Little Help from My Fwends tribute to the fab four's Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club.

As Miley and Wayne sang about LSD, the penises danced. And then everyone put on rainbow costumes.

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There weren't any #Bangerz. Also, no twerking. Though, Ms. Cyrus did hump her boobs-out lady friend.

She also joked about drugs and booze. The bubbles were spiked with some kinda substance, Miley said. And she kidded, referring to her soundcheck blunt-puffing sesh: "Usually, I don't smoke weed and drink. Well, that's a lie. Usually, I don't smoke weed and drink on show days. But I felt like it was fine in Miami."

And so, she busted out a fresh joint. And she declared: "I'm fucking high, man."

The show ended without even "Wrecking Ball." Or "We Can't Stop."

But there was some kinda big finale payoff... Miley bucks fluttering from the sky.

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