Sit back, relax, and take a trago of tequila. It's Cinco de Mayo weekend. And since the holiday is more of an American celebration than Mexican fiesta, we're gonna throw it down like the Mexicans did 152 years ago at the Battle of Puebla.
But if you just wanna party because, like, it's the weekend, we've got you covered with Miami's ten best things to do under $10, from free drinks at the Pickle to a pool bash at the Freehand to a Star Wars themed drunk'n spelling bee at Purdy.
See also: Five Best Concerts in Miami This Week
Local's Local Show. With Snakehole, Nunhex, Devalued, the Cost, the Gun Hoes, No Children, Cave of Swimmers, Cretin Girls, the Gazms, Whorish Boorish, Wastelands, Awkward Kisser, VCR, Talking Dogs, Kenny Millions, Rat Bastard, and Testokra. Friday, May 2, 8 p.m. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE 2nd Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Free. This isn't just another "locals show" -- it's a "local's local" show, meaning there'll be something for all of the wild party animals at one of Churchill's last shows from Nunhex to the Gun Hoes to Rat Bastard. Long live the pub.
Diamond D's Diam Piece Listening Party. With DJs Heron and Self Born. Friday, May 2, 10 p.m. The Stage, 170 NE 38th St., Miami; 305-576-9577; thestagemiami.com. Tickets cost $10 plus fees via wantickets.com, or $15 at the door, so buy 'em early. Diamond D's all "back up in this bitch" with his first compilation album, Diam Piece. Party it up with the hip-hop master as he takes you through the "Rap Life" with his raw and gritty beats.
See also: Marino Maali on Being a Deaf Rapper
Brick House Grand Opening Weekend. With Jean Jacket, Wasabi, Master Feathers, and Grace Jones on Friday, May 2, and Young Deville,Tom Laroc, Ray Milian, and Haitian Hillbilly on Saturday, May 3, 8 p.m. Brick House, 187 NW 28th St., Miami; 305-456-2629. Free. Celebrate the grand opening of "Wynwood's newest drinking den and patio" with soul, funk, and indie classics from Jean Jacket, Young Deville, Master Feathers, and other local faves.
Attack of the '90s. With Dyslexic Postcards, Carey Peak (Dore Soul), Amy Baxter (Black Janet), Karen Feldner (Trophy Wife), Sixo, Ferny Coipel (Humbert), Al's Not Well, Rob Elba (Holy Terrors), Forget the Name, Love Canal, Xela Zaid, and the Laundry Room Squelchers. Saturday, May 3, 9 p.m. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE 2nd Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Churchill's is bringing back the '90s and "celebrating all things Dave" with Dyslexic Postcards, Laundry Room Squelchers, and other noise legends of the decade.
See also: Miami's 20 Best Punk Bands of All Time
Los Bastardos Magnificos. Live on the patio. Saturday, May 3, 9 p.m. Tobacco Road, 697 S. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-374-1198; tobacco-road.com. Get your "honkey tonk" on with the fiddle, banjo, and "outlaw Americana" of Los Bastardas Magnificos at the Road.
Star Wars: Return of the Fourth. With DJs Lorenzo, Kaos Fernandez, and Lindersmash. Saturday, May 3, 10 p.m. The Garret at Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-377-2277; grandcentralmiami.com. Free-$10. May the Fourth may be on Sunday, but tonight we're gonna celebrate the mother of all nerd holidays with Star Wars cos-players, burlesque shows, and themed DJ and VJ sets. So unleash your inner Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, and Chewbacca and enter the Dark Side.
Show Us Your Monkey. With DJs Brad Strickland, Basti, Sire, and Methods. Saturday, May 3, 10 p.m. Electric Pickle, 2826 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-456-5613; electricpicklemiami.com. Free before 1 a.m. with RSVP at firstname.lastname@example.org. We're not sure what exactly "your monkey" is, but if you show it off, you'll get to enter the world of "deep house, disco, techno, funk, soul, and classic hip-hop jams" and open bar at the Pickle for free. Only if you RSVP, of course.
Chocolate Shaker Pool Party. With DJs Reid Waters, Louie Arson, SharpSound, and Mr. Manuvers. Sunday, May 4, 3 p.m. The Freehand, 2727 Indian Creek Dr., Miami Beach; 305-531-2727; thefreehand.com. Barbecue, poolside beats by Reid Waters, Louie Arson, SharpSound, and Mr. Manuvers, and a belly flop contest that can snag you a pair of concert tickets to the Fillmore Miami Beach? Sounds like our kind of Chocolate Shaker.
See also: Miami's Cinco de Mayo Party Guide
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Open Circuit Sundays. Hosted by Beatmachines. Sunday, May 4, 10 p.m. The Nest, 62 NE 14th St., Miami; 786-766-2411; thenestmia.com. Free. Get weird with the Beatmachines at The Nest's livetronica open jam with eclectic dance tunes from some of the city's finest, and $3 PBR and $5 wells specials to help lubricate your senses.
Star Wars Drunk'n Spelling Bee. With DJs Manuvers, SharpSound, Reid Waters, and Polar Bear-Pierre. Sunday, May 4, 10 p.m. Purdy Lounge, 1811 Purdy Ave., Miami Beach; 305-531-4622; purdylounge.com. Free. "May the force be with you always," especially during Purdy's Star Wars themed drunk'n spelling bee. Dress in theme and you'll get a free Jäger shot. Just remember, for every word you spell correctly, you have to take a shot of Jäger. But if you don't finish it, "you get kicked the fuck out." So, in the words of Yoda, "Ready are you? What know you of ready?"