But out there in the great sea of humanity, there are the few, the proud, the brave, and the bold, who stare into the uncertain oblivion of the storm and think, I'm going to a strip club.
It might seem insane to think, but those people must exist, especially in Miami. That's why the Office, a gentlemen's club in Miami Gardens, is holding a hurricane watch party tonight, all night, until the club closes at 6 a.m. The club is also offering $100 bottles of Patrón and Hennessy, because if you're not spending money on food and water, you might as well use it to get hammered.
As of now, New Times has been unable to reach the club to see if the building is hurricane-proofed — or if the event is even confirmed — so attend at your own peril.
It's also unknown if the Office is connected to the Miami Beach strip club of the same name that closed in 2014. Employees at that establishment were arrested for selling drugs, firearm possession, and solicitation, and the club's business license was revoked after a shooting left one person injured and bullet holes in nearby businesses.
Frankly, there's a bit of logic to heading to a strip club just before a storm. If you're going to die soon, wouldn't you want to see some butt?
Hurricane Irma Watch Party. Wednesday, September 6, at the Office Gentlemen's Club, 250 NE 183rd St., Miami Gardens; 305-627-3456.