Listen, Miami likes to go big, and this Memorial Day weekend, there are wild, all-night parties and yacht outings and strip-club shindigs to keep us busy and bleary-eyed from the moment Friday traffic hits to Tuesday's bug-eyed, sad crawl back to the desk. Here are a few of the events that'll give you the most bang for the buck. We've even got some fun for Fort Lauderdale in here. You're welcome.
Friday Night Live Yacht Party. 11:30 p.m. to 4 a.m. Friday and Saturday, May 26 and 27, aboard the South Beach Lady, 401 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 347-581-4943. Tickets cost $59.99 to $1,000 plus fees via fridaynightlive.net. Who's up for some bottle service while ballin' on a beautiful boat on Biscayne Bay? Is that enough b's for you? Well, there will be even more gorgeous BBs onboard. This is a late-night, grown-and-sexy party, so wear your tightest dress or your sharpest suit. Don't be late: The boat leaves at 12:30 a.m. sharp, and you will get left behind.
Made in Miami. 11 p.m. Saturday, May 27, at Heart Nightclub, 50 NE 11 St., Miami; 305-912-3099; heartnightclub.com. Tickets cost $10 to $20 plus fees via residentadvisor.net. Celebrate the greatest city on Earth — your city — with some of the hottest talent to ever sprout from its shores. Oscar G is that house gangster who rocks crowds around the world, and Lazaro Casanova is his cool, bass-lovin' partner in crime. DJ Sneak, coming straight from Chicago with a Puerto Rican flair, is out to rock booties all night long. Heart Nightclub is the spot known to party all night and into the next morning, so bring your most comfortable dancing shoes and prepare to sweat.
Shiba San and Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs. 11 p.m. Saturday, May 27, at Club Space, 34 NE 11th St., Miami; 786-357-6456; clubspace.com. Tickets cost $10 to $20 plus fees via residentadvisor.net. Shiba San is one of the dopest, darkest booty-bass beasts from the Dirtybird ilk. His track "Okay" was the hottest tune of 2014, and he knows how to make your body move. TEED is one of the grooviest producer/DJs on the scene, with a penchant for disco, house, indie dance, and turning everything in between into one solid set. Space is another all-night-into-early-morning affair, so prepare to steady rock till dawn — and maybe even till the following dusk.
South Florida Hip-Hop Festival, Featuring ¡Mayday! 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. Saturday, May 27, at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami; 305-757-1807; churchillspub.com. Tickets cost $18 via holdmytickets.com. Churchill's isn't just a place for punk rock, although hip-hop and punk have a lot in common. They're both about high energy. They're all about doing it yourself, and they like to get loud. ¡Mayday! wants to help you take your Memorial Day to the next level. The local band will have you jumping all over the sticky floor, with support from Joe Nester featuring Bobble. This is hip-hop to feel good about, so show the crew some love.
A Boogie. 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Saturday, May 27, through Sunday, May 28, at King of Diamonds, 17800 Ipco Rd., Miami; 305-999-9500; king-diamonds.com. Tickets cost $50 plus fees via eventbrite.com. King of Diamonds is still that spot where the ballers make it thunderstorm and the rappers get the dancers to pop it slow — or drop real low from the ceiling until it looks like they're gonna crack their skulls. This Memorial Day weekend, it's about showing love to the local artists rockin' mikes around the world. A Boogie will be there to perform his hits “Drowning,” “My Shit,” and others. He's doing big things outside the city, so throw some grab stacks while the hometown boy kills the stage.
Miami Nice Day Party, With Juelz Santana. 3 to 8 p.m. Saturday, May 28, at G5ive Miami, 337 NW 170th St., North Miami Beach; 305-917-4548; g5ive.com. Tickets cost $30 plus fees via eventbrite.com. You don't usually go to strip clubs during the day. Then again, most strip clubs aren't throwing day parties hosted by New York MC Juelz Santana in the diurnal hours. This is the official preparty for the Miami Niche Yacht Party, which sold out so fast its organizers had to create Rock the Yacht. Get to this one, and get to tippin'.
FemAle Brew Fest. 1 to 4:30 p.m. Sunday, May 28, at FAT Village East Space, 521 NW First Ave., Fort Lauderdale; 954-760-5900. Tickets cost $25 to $35, or $10 for designated drivers, via femalebrewfest.com. This is the first festival celebrating women in the craft beer industry. Try the ales, Hefeweizens, IPAs, sours, and stouts of South Florida's best and brightest drink maids. The fest will present 14 breweries and food pairings from local female-run establishments. A recent study by Stanford University shows that only 4 percent of the 1,700 active breweries surveyed were headed by ladies, so let's get out there and support where support is due. It'll be delicious, and it'll get you drunk.
Rock the Yacht All-White Party. 9:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. Sunday, May 28, aboard the South Beach Lady, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 347-581-4943. Tickets cost $100 plus fees via rocktheyachtparty.net. The saying goes that you shouldn't wear white after Labor Day, but come Memorial Day, it's the only color for partying on a breathtaking yacht. You must be 21 or older to board this boat, and with four levels, VIP areas, bottle service, cabana-style hangouts, and a DJ sky booth, you're gonna be glad you're finally old enough to hang.
Rhythm Festival. 1 p.m. Sunday, May 28, and 2 p.m. Monday, May 29, at Rhythm & Vine, 401 NE Fifth Ter., Fort Lauderdale; 954-533-3734; rhythm-vine.com. Admission is free. Last year, the good people of Rhythm & Vine had so much fun throwing a Memorial Day weekend festival they decided to bring it back bigger than before. Eat your fill of snacks and wash them down with summer-themed cocktails while dancing away those calories to live music from Dirt Poor Millionaire, Anthony Martucci, Misha, Affect, Anthony Pisano, Le Youth, and Ross One. You can't beat the price, and the backyard is a pretty fun place to be, festival or not.
The Radio Dept. 8 p.m. to midnight Monday, May 29, at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; 305-699-2669; gramps.com. Tickets cost $20 plus fees via ticketfly.com. So what if you've been partying all weekend and have work the next morning? Come down with the Radio Dept. The band's lo-fi rock grooves are exactly what you need to regroup and milk these last sweet moments of carefree joy. Check out the band's latest album, Running Out of Love, to catch some serious feels, and don't miss this rare act in the flesh on Gramp's cool, laidback outdoor stage.