Do you ever wish you could be in two places at once? Better yet, how about 50 places at once?
Sometimes we here at Crossfade get really pissed about the fact that we're stuck in our cubicle and not traveling to India to write about vegetarianism and Lady Gaga. Or, say, staking out Nicki Minaj's Hollywood home, quietly waiting for her to blow up and fire a maid. Oh well, guess we'll just have to settle for the Internet.
We've been all over the web today, rounding up some of the most pressing pop news. And it's with great pleasure that we present Five Stories That Won't Change Your Life.
PETA India Wants Lady Gaga to Wear Lettuce
In a country where vegetarianism is widely practiced by its people, PETA India is hoping that Lady Gaga will agree to wear a gown made of lettuce to promote, well, vegetarianism. In other news, sacred, grass-eating cows in India are hungry.
You may learn witchcraft at Hogwarts, but they certainly don't teach class. A woman dressed as a student from Harry Potter's alma mater went batshit crazy on Usher for parking in a handicap spot. The incident went down at a crowded shopping center in Atlanta. But thankfully, Elvis was on hand to ease the tension. Isn't Halloween rad?
Nicki Minaj didn't find it funny when a former maid stormed into her house and demanded to be treated more like a human and less like an animal. The rapper shouted, "I'll show you how to treat someone like an animal. Get the fuck out of my house!" Craziest thing of all, Nicki Minaj has so many maids she can't even tell them apart. According to Rolling Stone, "source suggests that Minaj actually mistook a different maid for the one who was fired."
Kelly Clarkson, the original American Idol winner and star of awesome rom-com From Justin to Kelly, has been hired for VH1's Divas concert. In related news, a nationwide search to find Kelly Clarkson's career just ended. Evidently she's been hiding a town called Obscurity near VH1 headquarters. Love you, Kel-Kel.
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It's official! Indie music's sultriest songstress has signed a deal with Interscope. Please reset the clock for another 15 minutes. Enjoy her while she's still authentic.