When he's not pushing Dr Pepper or exposing his Family Jewels on A&E, Gene Simmons rocks silly makeup and platform shoes as the legendary lead singer of Kiss. Similarly, when he's not dubstepping aboard Holy Ship! or steering megayachts with his penis, Tommy Lee beats the skins for arena rock gods Mötley Crüe.
Come July, these two heavy-metal heartthrobs will join their respective bands on the "summer's biggest, baddest rock tour," a coheadlining, 40-city trek across North America simply dubbed "The Tour."
And on Friday, July 27, Kiss and Crüe will rock the mom tits off West Palm Beach when they roll through Cruzan Amphitheater for an unforgettable night of commercially viable classic rock.
Kiss and Mötley Crüe haven't shared a stage since 1982. You know, 30 years ago, when arena rock was one big Quaalude, a never-ending drug-fueled orgy of backstage blowjobs and fetish-friendly sexcapades. But it's 2012, and these guys are all grown up.
Gene Simmons is 63 years old, married, and a father of two. His Kiss comrade, Paul Stanley, just turned 60 and has already had two hip replacement surgeries.
As for the Crüe, the average age in the band is a sobering 53.
But age is just a number. Both bands still sell out shows and captivate new audiences. Between them are nearly 200 million records sold and more than 30 chart-toppers. These guys are true music-business monsters.
Check out the complete tour dates.
Jul 20: Bristow, VA - Jiffy Lube Live
Jul 21: Virginia Beach, VA - Farm Bureau Live at Virginia Beach
Jul 22: Raleigh, NC - Time Warner Cable Music Pavilion at Walnut Creek
Jul 24: Atlanta, GA - Aaron's Amphitheatre at Lakewood
Jul 25: Charlotte, NC - Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
Jul 27: West Palm Beach, FL - Cruzan Amphitheater
Jul 28: Tampa, FL - 1-800-ASK-GARY Amphitheatre
Jul 31: Pelham, AL - Oak Mountain Amphitheatre
Aug 3: Houston, TX - Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion
Aug 4: Dallas, TX - Gexa Energy Pavillion
Aug 7: Albuquerque, NM - Hard Rock Casino Presents The Pavilion
Aug 8: Englewood, CO - Comfort Dental Amphitheatre
Aug 10: Phoenix, AZ - Ashley Furniture HomeStore Pavilion
Aug 11: Las Vegas, NV - Mandalay Bay Arts Center
Aug 12: Chula Vista, CA - Cricket Wireless Amphitheatre
Aug 14: Irvine, CA - Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
Aug 16: Concord, CA - Sleep Train Pavilion at Concord
Aug 18: Auburn, WA - White River Amphitheatre
Aug 19: Ridgefield, WA - Sleep Country Amphitheater
Aug 24: Grand Junction, CO - Rock Jam
Aug 26: Tulsa, OK - BOK Center
Aug 27: Maryland Heights, MO - Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
Aug 29: Minneapolis, MN - Minnesota State Fair
Aug 31: Cincinnati, OH - Riverbend MusicCenter
Sep 1: Noblesville, IN - Klipsch Music Center
Sep 2: Pittsburgh, PA - First Niagra Pavilion
Sep 4: Nashville, TN - Bridgestone Arena
Sep 5: Clarkston, MI - DTE Energy Music Theatre
Sep 7: Tinley Park, IL - First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre
Sep 8: East Troy, WI - Alpine Valley Music Theatre
Sep 11: Allegan, MI - Allegan County Fair (on-sale 5/5)
Sep 12: Cleveland, OH - Blossom Music Center
Sep 13: Toronto, ON - Molson Canadian Amphitheatre
Sep 15: Darien Center, NY - Darien Lake Performing Arts Center
Sep 16: Mansfield, MA - Comcast Center
Sep 18: Scranton, PA - Toyota Pavilion at Montage Mountain
Sep 19: Camden, NJ - Susquehanna Bank Center
Sep 21: Holmdel, NJ - PNC Bank Arts Center
Sep 22: Wantagh, NY - Nikon at Jones Beach Theater
Sep 23: Hartford, CT - Comcast Theatre
The Tour. With Kiss and Mötley Crüe, 7 p.m. Friday, July 27, at the Cruzan Amphitheater (601-7 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach). Tickets cost $36 to $157. Presale tickets on sale Wednesday, March 21, at 10 a.m. General tickets on sale Friday, March 23, at 10 a.m. Visit livenation.com.