Justin Bieber's Mile-High F$%@ Club: Five Hypothetical Pop Star Swearing Sprees

If a bar of soap were Justin Bieber's mouth's boyfriend, our skies would be a safer place.

The Biebz was on a flight back from New Zealand when he and his fellow Biebonauts started spewing all sorts of nasty language. Even in doses of three ounces or less, the Bieb-Bop-a-Lula's hot liquid filth was too much for a fellow passenger, a mother of two who loudly demanded that Bieblejuice watch himself in front of her children.

According to TMZ, Bieby Back Ribs was "completely embarrassed." But though he may have learned his lesson, we all must be wary of copycat pop stars trying to catch a little heat off our collective Bieber Fevered brow.

What would it sound like if other famous hotheads went off on vulgar rants? It might go a little something like this...

Nicki Minaj Freaks Out on Her Gastroenterologist About Recent Incontinence Problems

Doc, you gotta help me ... Shitted on 'em, man. I just shitted on 'em. They can't just get that shit right off the top. My shit bang. But, um, I can't help my retarded shit. Make sure y'all ch-check this shit out right here. I guess I'm wrong for thinking that I could trust you for never holding all this shit against you. I don't know man, I'm shittin' on your whole life. I BMz in the trap, BMz in the trap...

Lil Wayne Continues His Uncomfortable Analogy Between Popping Pussies and Popping Zits While Getting a Facial at the Salon

Pop that zit like a pussy. You know, squeeze it together. That's how you pop a pussy, right? I don't actually know.

But extract that blackhead like my balls from your mouth. Exfoliate that T-zone like a big bottomed bitch. I want you to give me a sea salt scrub like a dick in your nose.

Ahhh! My skin is driving me crazy! I obviously got all these tattoos on my face to cover up my breakouts, the way teenage girls use bandaids sometimes. Why else would I do that? Why else would I fucking do that? Trukfit!

Adam Levine Gets Lonely and Takes It Out on a Newsstand Guy

What do you mean you don't have fucking Martha Stewart Living?! I've worked my way through every fucking model in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and all the international editions of fucking Vogue! I need new fucking models! And if it means an ex-con millionaire housewife, then get me a glue 'cause shit's gonna get hot in the scrapbooking room tonight, bitch! And give me the new fucking Cat Fancy while you're at it! OK, motherfucker?!

Chris Brown Gets His Knee Bumped By Someone Squeezing Down His Row in a Movie Theater

Whoa, three times, buddy. I get you're in a hurry to take your seat because the previews are 'bout to begin. But there are rules and consequences, you know. And what you've done is violate my personal space.

So I really wish you'd publicly apologize for having bumped my knee. Otherwise, young boys might think bumping knees is what men do. And young women could think it's their fault if their knees get bumped by someone they love.

[Then Brown smashes the guy over the head with a bottle of premium liquor.]

Eric Clapton Unloads on Non-White People During a 1976 Show in Birmingham, England (This One's Real)

Do we have any foreigners in the audience tonight? If so, please put up your hands. Wogs, I mean, I'm looking at you. Where are you?

I'm sorry, but some fucking wog ... Arab grabbed my wife's bum, you know? Surely got to be said. Yeah, this is what all the fucking foreigners and wogs over here are like, just disgusting. That's just the truth, yeah. So where are you? Well, wherever you all are, I think you should all just leave. Not just leave the hall, leave our country.

You fucking (indecipherable). I don't want you here, in the room or in my country. Listen to me, man! I think we should vote for Enoch Powell. Enoch's our man. I think Enoch's right. I think we should send them all back. Stop Britain from becoming a black colony. Get the foreigners out. Get the wogs out. Get the coons out. Keep Britain white.

Potty mouth affects 3 out of every 10 young Americans. Don't let yourself or someone you love be next.

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