The looming threat of Texas seceding from the rest of America lingers like a fat man's fart in an elevator.
"We've got a great union," Texas Governor and resident lunatic Rick Perry said in a 2009 speech. "There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, who knows what may come of that."
But while it'd be sad to see the Lone Star State go, it wouldn't be nearly as detrimental as New Jersey breaking off and becoming a sovereign state. If that were to happen, the country would lose several acres of asparagus, the butt of countless jokes, and Jon Bon Jovi's elegantly feathered hairdo.
And quite frankly, a life without any of those things isn't worth living.
Few men are as comfortable in a hair salon as Bon Jovi. Born John Francis Bongiovi, Jr., his locks are as iconic as Farrah Fawcett's, barely changed since the 1980s when his arena rock group ruled the American radio airwaves.
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Thanks to good looks and America's collective love of mediocre pop-rock, Bongiovi's managed to stay relevant in an ever-changing musical landscape. But after years of fronting one of New Jersey's most recognizable groups, Jon is finally making his solo debut with a nationwide tour this summer.
Is this the end of Bon Jovi the band? Do Jon and Jersey plan to secede from the Union? Probably not. But find out at Hard Rock Live next month.
Jon Bon Jovi with The Kings of Suburbia. Thursday, July 26. Hard Rock Live, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood. The show starts at 8 p.m. and tickets cost $100 to $300 plus fees via ticketmaster.com. Call 954-797-5531 or visit hardrocklivehollywoodfl.com.