Jon Bon Jovi and the Kings of Suburbia at Hard Rock Live July 26

The looming threat of Texas seceding from the rest of America lingers like a fat man's fart in an elevator. But while it'd be sad to see the Lone Star State go, it wouldn't be nearly as detrimental as New Jersey breaking off and becoming a sovereign state. If that were to happen, the country would lose several acres of asparagus, the butt of countless jokes, and Jon Bon Jovi's elegantly feathered hairdo. And quite frankly, a life without those things isn't worth living.

Few men are as comfortable in a hair salon as Bon Jovi. Born John Francis Bongiovi Jr., he sports locks as iconic as Farrah Fawcett's, barely changed since the '80s, when his arena-rock group ruled American radio airwaves. And thanks to good looks as well as this nation's love of pop-rock, Bongiovi has remained relevant in an ever-changing musical landscape. But after years of fronting one of New Jersey's most recognizable groups, he is finally making his solo debut with a nationwide tour this summer.

Is this the end of Bon Jovi the band? Do Jon and Jersey plan to secede from the Union? Probably not. But go find out this Thursday at Hard Rock Live. Victor Gonzalez

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Victor Gonzalez
Contact: Victor Gonzalez

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