How awesome would it be if the Jacuzzi Boys met Frank Zappa in a sonic cage match and they all emerged after three minutes, hugging each other, laughing at little private jokes, and humming beautiful music? Well, even if it's impossible, that's a battle (or love-in) I'd like to see and hear. And I've got a few other fantasy cover sonic cage match requests.
Please refer to Part One for a base point to the inanity. And remember dear reader, we are all in this together so please put some suggestions in the "comments" section below!
4. Out of the Anonymous vs. Fela Kuti's "Sorrow, Tears and Blood"
It is no secret that I am a huge fan of Out of the Anonymous. These guys are not sexy in the GQ sense of the word. They are sexy because (a) they are excellent conversationalists, (b) they are musically adept, and (c) they wear dark-colored blazers in the middle of Miami's hottest season, i.e. January through December. You gotta give them props. And I give them the following charge for musical coverings! Fela Motherfucking Kuti's "Sorrow, Tears and Blood"! My all-time favorite Kuti composition!
3. Jacuzzi Boys vs. Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention's "Flower Punk"
I've may or may not have promised the Jacuzzi Boys' handler via my Facebook to include them in every one of these fucking ditties I may or may not get away with. But I won't make it easy for them! No! Hugo Chavez's de facto sons have my charge to cover this mother. (No pun intended!) The Eat did it already. But hell, why not these kids?
2. The Eat vs. The Bad Roads' "Too Bad"
And okay, I know my limitations ... I just invoked the almighty fucking Eat, so I'll go ahead and do a pre-fantasy fantasy charge on them, though I know fully well that this will never come to fruition. And no, I'm not talking about Paul McCartney's Wings' "Junior's Farm," which they've done already! Fuck yeah! The Bad Roads' "Too Bad!
1. Futurisk vs. Tomita's "Venus: The Bringer of Peace"
Man, do I like what I've heard from Kolosine's Futurisk! This is the future twenty years before it happens! So fucking good! And oh so Florida via the UK! The Sound of Futurism is awesome! Eight-bits baby! I charge them in fantasy land with anything Tomita! But punk and New Wave! Yah! Keep looking up!
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.