Maybe you woke up this morning to discover your body decorated in colorful bruises. Maybe you've taken three showers, but still don't feel particularly clean. And maybe you have an aggressive ringing in your ears that won't let up.
Well, then you were probably at the Jacuzzi Boys' last show at Dave Daniels' Churchill's Pub. And honestly, who wasn't? It was even "officially" declared to be the most people ever squeezed into Churchill's in the pub's history.
Oh, and what a history it has had.
See also: Churchill's Pub Sale Finalized
If you're a relatively plugged-in Miami music fan (or have been on Facebook at least once in the last three months), you probably already know that Dave Daniels has sold Churchill's to new owners.
This switching of hands has got many folks all worked up, inspiring farewell parties and shows, as everyone collectively mourns the end of an era that's inspired so many memories and so much music.
As if we needed any more reminding of how vital Churchill's is to our freaky and flowering scene, our very own Jacuzzi Boys, along with People's Temple from Michigan, local groove royalty Psychic Mirrors, and the fast and flirty Gun Hoes, lured a crowd that was down to get completely wild.
And so we did.
Kicking things off, Gun Hoes settled into some sleazy punk jams as the crowd grew larger by the minute. Inside and out, familiar faces crossed paths, cigarettes were shared, and stories were told.
The whole "This is the end of an era! Remember that one time! Let's get really drunk!" vibe was up and running, and the Gun Hoes were the perfect soundtrack.
Next, People's Temple crowded the stage and slammed into a bold garage set that dipped and dove from thrashy headbangers to sultry slow jams.
Jumping on amps, ripping off shirts, and covering all corners of the stage, those dudes played like they were at a major festival, which actually works extremely well when you're packed into a place like Churchill's. It felt like Temple guys gave it their all, and they undoubtedly did.
See also: Miami's 20 Best Punk Bands of All Time
Soon thereafter, the crowd was buzzing with shoulder-to-shoulder goodness, packed in tightly for the kings and queens of Miami boogie, Psychic Mirrors. At the first touch of the synth and whisper of that falsetto, the funkiest of moves erupted from the fans. The men and women of Psychic Mirrors always seem to have that effect on people, as you find yourself pulling out grooves that you didn't even know existed.
And remember that freckled white kid on the cover of that one Odd Future album who hangs out with them and is rapping now too? Lucas Vercetti? He stopped by after his show with Earl Sweatshirt and was also cast under their spell, swaying and bopping with the rest of us. Shoutout!
But then the fire came. Well, more like the smoke. (As we all know, Jacuzzi Boys love that damn fog machine.) At that point, it also wouldn't have been possible to fit another person into the pub. And breathing in one another's beer-scented exhalations, the sweat came within the first four bars the Jacuzzis played.
Instantly the crowd was a tumultuous mess, as bodies slammed into and on top of each other like a net full of fish emptied onto your stepdad's boat deck. Frantically flailing as smoke filled our lungs, we cried out every lyric that our hometown heroes sang, making friends with strangers and getting even closer to our oldest homies.
"Glazin'" brought the usual mayhem, but multiplied by ten. Everything that has always been fun about a Jacuzzi Boys show was heightened as the boys themselves went wild as hell, and the crowd matched their anarchic energy. I mean, guitar solo crowd-surfing? An Iggy Pop "Fun Time" cover? Stage divers? The guys took the "last Churchill's show" thing all the way and then some.
The set was filled with shoutouts between songs, often made when the fog was so thick we could hardly see the Jacuzzis.
The always-charming frontman Gabriel Alcala took some time to thank Churchill's and all it has done for him, his bandmates, and the Miami scene, describing it as "the most beautiful place on Planet Earth." And as smoke drifted, strobe lights flashed, sweat dripped, couples tongued, and champagne showered down upon us from the stage, how could he be wrong?
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What happened there, on that night, with those bands, was something to be proud of. Limping to the door for some fresh air, after the Jacuzzi Boys signed off with an encore of "Island Ave," drenched in a lethal combination of other people's perspiration and alcohol, it was hard not to feel the weight of Churchill's current incarnation entering its final days.
If this was truly the last time our own Hot Tub Dudes would grace the Churchill's stage, then there was no better way to go out.
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