Gargle a celebratory gallon of blood and wipe your ass with a snapshot of God, "another of history's biggest assholes," because Gwar has a new Scumbag.
Less than a year after the sudden death of guitarist Cory "Flattus Maximus" Smoot, the satirical heavy metal freaks' quest to find a replacement axe man has ended.
In a press release sent out earlier today, Gwar frontman Oderus Urungus announced that "long-lost cousin" Pustulous Maximus has officially joined the group as permanent lead guitarist.
"Naturally we were devastated by the passing of Flattus," Urungus said in the press release. "But we turned that grief into rage and set about the task of finding a new guitar player."
Immediately following Flattus's death, Gwar sounded the "mighty Horn of Hate" and wrangled up a bunch of intergalactic Maximus clan members. "Soon the War-Barges of Maximus tribe members began to appear in Earth's orbit...and land outside our great temple," Urangus said.
Pustulous was one of them.
"Here was a being that was supposedly born with a guitar in his fist, which of course resulted in the death of his beloved mother, whose body he immediately devoured," Urangus explained. "If anyone can replace our beloved comrade, it is this foul creature. Because he can fucking shred."
Putulous will make his fist appearance with Gwar tomorrow on The A.V. Club. The group will embark on the "Fate or Chaos" tour later this month. .
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What else do we know about this heinous creature who feeds on death? His face and feet are covered in boils, "painful pustules that can only be soothed by the application of savage metal, spoiled elephant semen, or oral sex."
Scumbags always get the best blowies.
Gwar's Fate or Chaos 2012 Tour. With DevilDriver, Cancer Bats and Legacy of Disorder. Saturday, October 20. Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale. Tickets cost $21 plus fees via ticketmaster.com. Call 954-449-1025 or visit jointherevolution.net.