Is hip-hop just a front to fill the private prison system? Can you have the keys to the bakery and the Church of Satan at the same time? Can a man with an ice-cream cone on his face kill another man with his bare hands?
That's some wackadoodle scenario shit right there, but these are all healthy and vibrant myths of the rap world. Eff the Illuminati, those rumors are child's play. We've scoured the Internet for the best and most obscene urban legends in hip-hop. Grab the popcorn, 'cause dis gon' be good.
Gucci Mane Killed His Cell Mate for Trying to Rape Him
This rumor surfaced just yesterday. As if it wasn't enough watching Gucci have a total fucking meltdown all over the Internet, he keeps the blogs talking even from behind bars. According to MemphisRap.com, a fake rap news site started the rumor, which posits that Mr. Mane awoke in his cell to the uncomfortable realization that his cell mate was licking his ice-cream cone face tattoo and touching his Gucci bits. In retaliation, Gucci deaded the guy right there with his bare hands. Of course, it's not true, and even Gucci is tweeting that (wait, he can tweet from jail?). Still hysterical, though.
2Pac Was Raped in Jail
Everyone knows about how 2Pac is supposed to be alive or whatever. Someone better call Kool Keith, because 2Pac is stealin' that Black Elvis swag. We won't bore you with that dead horse of a rumor, but did you ever hear about how 2Pac was raped in jail? Apparently, then-radio host Wendy Williams told the world the legendary rapper was forced to take it behind bars, and it spread like wildfire. In a "lost interview" from Vibe Magazine, 2Pac talks about "I had to write letters to a thousand little kids explainin' to them that I would be dead before a motherfucker would rape me, and you know that." He even addresses the rumor in his song "Why U Turn On Me": "Said I got raped in jail, picture that?/Revenge is a payback bitch, get your Gat/ Fuck Wendy Williams and I pray you choke/On the next dick down your throat, for turnin' on me."
Ciara was Born a Hermaphrodite
This was a big one back in the day. Ciara hit the stage hard with her breakout hit "Goodies." The southern vixen made a lot of waves with her sexual lyrics and actually-impressive dance moves. Of course, being a real dancer, bitch got muscles and shit, and she's not some tiny, frail pop princess, so almost immediately, rumors of her being born a man fired up. But the "Princess" wasn't too bothered by all that, and even brought the rumors up herself in this interview on BET. The talk didn't kill her vibe either. She's still putting out songs to this day, and now she's engaged to Future. Happy endings.
See also: Rap's Top Ten Struggle Songs
Three6Mafia Woships Satan
This is by far our favorite hip-hop myth of all time. First of all, they're called Three6Mafia: 666. BOOM! And how else do you explain that god-damn "Hard out Here for a Pimp" winning an Oscar? Clearly, those boys made a deal with the devil, because that was some out of left-field shit. There was this rumor back then as well that one of their Oscar statues went missing, then turned up mysteriously in an airport with human blood on the base. Whatever their deal, Juicy J must have spilled the most virgin blood, because his career somehow exists into today, even though he now uses the same tired-ass flow in every song. Perhaps he will sacrifice Miley someday? We 100 percent would watch that VMA performance.
The Gangsta Rap Movement is a Front to Fill Private Prisons
This is probably the most believable of all the rap rumors. This letter comes from a guy in the music industry who claims to have been at some secret meeting in 1991 where mysterious white guys decided rap music would become more violent and therefor encourage violent and illegal behavior in impoverished inner-city neighborhoods. That way, more black people could be put in prisons, essentially, and the people running them would get more money from the government. Although there's no way to prove it, you can bet your ass the private prison system is corrupt as fuhk. You can also bet that the corporate music industry is full of money-hungry, soulless cranks. Could the two be related? Freakin' why not?! But considering this hasn't gotten any more attention, we'll say it's just a rumor and call it a day.
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Follow Kat Bein on Twitter @KatSaysKill.