Garage Tapes: Otto Von Schirach at Artopia

Last night's New Times banger got off to a lukewarm start. But by 10:30 p.m., the crowd was finally ready to fucking party. With unknown quantities of free Barefoot pinot grigio and a couple hundred pisscups of Magic Hat #9 turning their brains to sponges, people shed their inhibitions and slipped on costumes. 

An alligator dude, some kind of cannibal, two sexpots (one with fake tits, the other with a shaved head and flat chest), a gorilla, and Notorious Nastie all jumped onstage to help announce the arrival of Bermudan spaceman Otto Von Schirach. Booze splashed to the floor, destroying designer shoes. Cameras got smashed. And everybody lit up a Swisher, tossed a triangle, and bumped bodies. 

Soon, though, the bacchanalia got shut down. At 10:47 p.m., Otto and crew went silent. And despite early reports, it wasn't a noise complaint that killed the fun. According to City of Miami Police officer Gutierrez: "We didn't shut it down. It's not even 11. College security pulled the plug because of intoxicated people passed out on the premises." 

Too bad those drunks never heard the saying: "When in Rome, puke so you can keep partying."

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