Damn, America. You really love yourself a generic televised singing competition, don't you?
We already have good ole' reliable American Idol jamming up the airwaves with massacred Top 40 favorites. And now Simon Cowel's The X-Factor is slated to premiere this fall, not to mention Bravo's Platinum Hit, hosted by Jewel and Idol reject Kara DiodamnyourjawisbigGuardi, on May 30.
But soonest of all, NBC will be serving up The Voice with Christina Aguilera, Blake Shelton, Cee Lo Green, and Adam Levine. It premieres tomorrow and we're so freaking excited that we decided to whip up a list of TV's five worst singers ever.
Jam some cotton balls into your ears and enjoy!
1. William Hung
William Hung stole our hearts in early 2004 with his jerky, robotic, and unknowingly funny interpretation of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" while auditioning for American Idol's third season. So what made Hung's awful audition funnier than most? His refreshingly positive attitude. (Hung: "You know, I have no professional training of singing and dancing." Simon Cowell: "No? Well this is the surprise of the century.") His flawless imitation of a Hula Girl Bobble Head Doll and the rest is, well, impossible to describe in words. And we hope Hung got banged at least once during his fifteen minutes to make up for this clip that will forever exist on the interwebs.
2. Joey Potter
Uh, remember that episode of Dawson's Creek where Joey Potter decides to sing Les Miserables' "On My Own" for some reason or another? Yeah, neither do we. But we do remember Katie Holmes's horrendous voice! It sounds like her agent got stoned one day and told Katie in jest that Alvin from Alvin and The Chipmunks was thee best vocal coach in all of L.A., Katie took this to heart (silly robot!), and literally learned to sing like a rodent with a thirst for the helium tank.
3. Any Contestant From The WB's Superstar USA
Back in 2004, the WB thought it would be a brilliant idea to create an American Idol-parody called Superstar USA (which, BTW, is a totally hot name) that would not only bring cynical entertainment to the masses but also secure the producers' an eternity in hell. Basically, the show found the most untalented singers, told these talentless goobs that they were actually talented, and made them compete for our sick amusement. Best
worst part? Fearing that the audience during the live spoof-shows wouldn't accommodate this cruel joke with ample applause for crappy performances, executive producer, Mike Fleiss, told the audience a big, fat lie -- that the contestants were all terminally ill and this was their last dying wish. Yeah. Fleiss later apologized to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. But not before this gem hit the airwaves.
4. Roseanne Barr
Uh, no one really knows why the Tom Arnold's ex-wife decided to fart all over our country with a rendition of the National Anthem that made Xtina's Super Bowl performance look stellar. But in 1990 at a San Diego Padres game, Roseanne said "Fuck You America!" and received a billion boos in return. Afterward, she grabbed her crotch, spat, and never apologized for her performance, which in our opinion, just makes the whacked-out comedian even more appealing. Bonus: We found a clip of the whole situation being reported by a young(er) Keith Olbermann back when he was just a local sports guy! This way you can laugh at both Barr's performance and Olbermann's horrible puns!
5. Kim Zolciak
Any fan of The Real Housewives franchise knows that Kim can't sing. Actually, every one of Zolciak's cast mates (including Kandi Burruss who produced, re-wrote, and basically made Zolciak's single "Tardy for the Party" listenable) knows that she can't sing. But Kim continues to sing and we continue to laugh...which keeps this delusional gold-digger thinking she's actually marketable, thus producing more silly dance hits, thus creating more wig money for Kim, and essentially keeping her relevant. So who's really laughing?