As her father's manslaughter trial continues to wallow in spectacle, celebrity, and drug abuse, the 13-year-old Princess of Pop (that is, Michael Jackson's daughter), Paris Jackson, has announced a new partnership with the "youth program" division of the Lingerie Football League.
The issue at hand is clear: pop starlets (Gaga, Perry, Ke$ha, et al.) give it all up from the get-go (a requisite for fame, you see) and if your intimate-apparel sporting event production company wants first dibs on famous, semi-naked ladies, you gotta draft 'em before they hit high school.
But while clamoring for the severely underage female progeny of Michael Jackson (still dead) the g-string touchdown demographic is completely ignoring the untapped splendor of the smokin' hot sons of rock stars.
5. Chaz Bono
Considering the intense love affair that Sonny and Cher's only child has with the media, we're surprised he hasn't already been drafted by the Lingerie Football League.
4. Julian Lennon
Yeah, yeah ... John Lennon was a real hippie who protested the war and slept in public. But you know if he were still alive he'd be slumming it like the rest of his peers: jamming for boomers at the casino, shilling energy drinks, and pimping his son to extreme sports played in one's sexiest skivvies.
3. Dweezil Zappa
The only thing hotter than Dweezil Zappa playing football in a corset would be papa Frank Zappa and Captain Beefheart playing rugby in matching camisoles.
2. Jakob Dylan
Bob's youngest son is also his most musically successful. Now ... Slap on some chaps and toss that hogskin, Jakey!
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1. Ziggy Marley
Which brings us to the Lingerie Football League's final frontier ... Reggae, ganja, and hemp underpants.