When you're drunk off your ass on rubyfruit jungle juice and dancing like a fly girl (or guy) in a too-tight thong, the world is a better place. And that's one reason you should hit up tonight's TBD dance party at Bar.
Another reason: When the DJ throws on one of those taboo tracks that you're not supposed to enjoy (or fucking love), no one will judge you for stripping down, rubbing up on a stranger, and sweating too much.
Now see the cut for five songs generally considered crappy that are actually amazing in a totally non-ironic way!
5. Waxamillion's "No Panties on the Dancefloor"
Yeah, Waxamillion's beats sound as if they were programmed by a blind baby with a Casio keyboard. But forget the amateurish production ... This song (and video) is totally irresistible. There's a disembodied male voice demanding, "Pull them panties off on the dance floor!" To which both bootylicious black girls and thin-lipped whiteys reply, "I ain't got no panties on!" Can you spell P-A-R-T-A-Y?
4. Doobie Brothers' "Takin' It to the Streets"
Unlike Waxamillion, the Doobie Brothers' Michael McDonald won't insist your remove your underwear. Right now. In public. Nope, Mikey is a gentleman. He enjoys a challenge. And that's why he's gonna sing your fucking panties off. A little later. In his private party room.
3. KLF's "3 a.m. Eternal"
This song is the soundtrack to a future that should've happened a decade ago. But, um, didn't. There's a little bit of acid house, a little bit of ethereal Enya-style singing, and a little bit of rappity-rap courtesy of Ricardo da Force. And all that adds up to ... Crappy-slash-amazing!
2. Pet Shop Boys' "Always On My Mind"
If you love silent film, tuxedos, aerobics on the beach, guys in gold lame suits with fabulous fringe, fashion photography, homeless b-boys, zebras (and zebramen!), ventriloquist dummies, and really fucking long car rides through the fog ... Then you'll love the Pet Shop Boys' "Always On My Mind."
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1. Trina's "Da Baddest Bitch"
She's tiny. But Ms. Katrina Laverne Taylor is a tough chick. And that means: It don't even matter if you're a 300-pound defensive tackle in the National Football League. Fuck with Trina. And she will beat your ass. Plus ... Like we already mentioned, it ain't a non-ironic Thursday night dance party without Da Baddest Bitch.
TBD, A Non-Ironic Dance Party. Thursday, April 7. Bar, 28 NE 14th St., Miami. The party starts at 10:30 p.m. and it's free. Call 305-633-9345 or visit 28ne14st.com.