Fergie does Boca

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Cotton candy? Check.

Tiaras? Check.

Oversexed pop music? Check.

With all of this involved, last night’s Fergie show in Boca Raton was a 10-year-old girl’s wet dream.

The Dutchess sauntered in dripping with glitz, in a tiara and a sparkle-lined, bubblegum pink robe. In between belting lines of “Here I come,” and a cover of the Temptations’ “Get Ready,” she actually spanked herself with an oversized, glittering microphone.

Shrieks and squeals and the inevitable chanting of “Fergie” from the crowd ensued. The Boca moms who might – might – have later balked at the former Meth addict’s bragging about her humps and occasionally saying “fuck,” were instantly placated by her cover of “Get Ready.” If Fergie was smart, she would have announced right then that the t-shirts were on sale in the back of the venue (some cost $55 a pop).

Of course, when you are 10 you do not care much about originality. In fact, you want to be just like your cool friends. As long as you are all in tiaras together, thrusting your pelvises to the beat of “My Humps,” it doesn’t matter that you’re only 4’9 on a folding chair, missing the best part of the show.

As Fergie performed “London Bridge,” a couple of her dancers came out dressed as Tower of London guards, but they were anything but stationary. After a medley of Black-Eyed Peas songs that didn’t draw too much enthusiasm, the dancers battled it out on stage. The women could probably beat eggs with those gyrating asses.

Fergie reemerged a bit hostile, and asked the audience who had been checking PerezHilton.com – where she had apparently been the subject of rumors. “Take out your cell phones,” she then instructed. “Call everyone who is talking shit about me and tell them to meet me on this stage.”

Then she whined her love song, “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” Hands in the crowd went up and swayed, and Fergie decided she liked this place, “Boca Raton.” She repeated it several times, rolling her r.

Next came “Barracuda,” her Heart cover for Shrek 3, during which she performed several cartwheels across the stage. The tweens went wild.

“Glamorous” and “Fergalicious” composed the predictable, but energized finale, and there would be no encore. After all, it was a school night.

Exiting into the bubble-gum pink shopping center, Mizner Park, New Times was compelled to do a fast survey. Why do you like Fergie?

“I just like her music,” said one insightful tween.

“Her songs teach us how to spell,” another joked.

A quiet young girl explained it best with a simple shrug. She really didn’t know. -- Ashley Harrell

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