Punxsutawney Phil is quite possibly the worst friggin' groundhog weatherman in the world.
Not only did the Pennsylvanian woodchuck predict an early spring about a week before a massive snowstorm ravaged the Northeast, Bill Murray's Groundhog Day co-star also failed to mention that at least one part of Miami is under a severe Electric Flurry watch.
The "world's largest foam party," is predicted to dump several inches of "snow" (via "state-of-the-art indoor blizzard technology") inside Grand Central on Saturday, March 2.
Combining Cirque du Soleil-like acrobatics and a massive EDM show headlined by Mark M, this "intimate, extrasensory, experience" will be nothing like that frat house foam party where you caught chlamydia during your sophomore year of college.
Still, when Electric Furry promoters ask how you'll "survive the storm," it's just not for dramatic effect. They're legitimately concerned.
Now there'll be some real kandy-kid banger shit going down, and Crossfade wants to make sure y'all are up to speed on the latest survival gear. The essentials include:
Not only will it feel like your eyes are on drugs, but the plastic diffraction lenses also work well as protective goggles against rogue glowsticks.
You might be a little cold, but foam machines and indoor blizzards are best enjoyed in skimpy outfits.
Because there's never an excuse to be a pata sucia.
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Electric Flurry. Saturday, March 2. Grand Central, 697 N. Miami Ave, Miami. The party starts at at 9 p.m. and tickets cost $28 to $60 plus fees via ticketfly.com. Ages 18 and up. Call 305-377-2777 or visit grandcentralmiami.com.