Drake's Big Booty Birthday Bonanza at King of Diamonds Tonight

In order to officially achieve the rank of grown motherfucker, one must scratch three very specific things off the eternal To-Do list: (1) Make out with Nicki Minaj; (2) Earn an awesome nickname ending in -zy (e.g., Jeezy, Weezy, Kanyeezy); and (3) Celebrate a landmark b-day in the company of celebrity friends, 300 strippers, and kinghell quantities of Canadian Club.

Well ... Born exactly 24 years ago on October 24, 1986, rapper-singer-actor Aubrey Drake Graham has already sucked face with Ms. Harajuku Barbie (Maybe? Probably? Perhaps?) and scored the snappy moniker "Drizzy." So when he and host Birdman hit up King of Diamonds in approximately five hours for full friction and hard liquor, the boy shall become a man.

Now, if you've never experienced the extra-large KOD experience, let's review the stats as listed on the strip club's website: "14 super skyboxes, 30 private VIP suites, a shoeshine station, fashion boutique, beauty salon, tanning salon, full-body massages, fine-dining menu, barber shop," and "basketball court."

Ridiculous, indeed. But that's not all. You can also expect "50,000 square feet of FULL NUDITY ... FULL FRICTION ... and FULL LIQUOR LICENSE" and "a provocative roster of over 300 dancers from all different nationalities."

And no doubt, Birdman and the other rap royals on Crossfade's imagined guestlist (Rick Ross, DJ Khaled, Diddy) are gonna get rowdy alongside KOD's Disco Rick, tossing off a few freestyles in honor of their newly grown baby bro.

Happy Birthday, Drizzy. Enjoy the bangers, boobies, booze, barbering, and balling.

Drizzy Drake's Birthday Celebration. Hosted by Birdman. Sunday, October 24. King of Diamonds, 950 NE Second Ave., Miami. The party starts at 9 p.m. and tickets cost $20 and up at the door.Call 305-999-9500 or visit kodmiami.com.

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