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A wise man once said, “All music is shit to God.”
Crossfade is not that wise, but we have to agree. And let’s face facts, humanity: Ever since we all got kicked out of the Garden of Eden, music has sucked.
You wanna know why? ‘Cause everyone knows the freer you are, the hotter your jams. But thanks to The Book of Genesis, Man is too embarrassed to be naked.
Which is exactly why animals rock so much harder than us. See the cut for Crossfade’s top five totally hardcore musical animals.
5. Baby Billy Goat Goes Dubstep
Like a true B.G., Lil Baby Billy over here just loves to Get Low.
4. Death Metal Rooster Is Totally Hardcore
Death Metal Rooster was in the scene way before those Hatebeak records got trendy
3. Rumple The Gangsta Bunny: A Hippa to the Hoppa
This rabbit is a bigger boss than Ricky Ross. He smokes more blunts than Snoop Dogg. He dranks more sizzurp than Lil Wayne. He has more guns than T.I.. And he has peed on more hoes than R. Kelly
2. True Metal Cat Is Bored, But Still Hardcore
From the comments: “The cat looks more intelligent than it’s owner.”
1. Dolphins on Acid Are Way More Evolved Than You
Look, being a dolphin is already, like, a 24/7 Burning Man, underwater. If you’ve been keeping up with Ancient Aliens, you already know that dolphins are what the Mayans evolved into after E.T. smoked them out to some Sour Diesel. Get those buggers some LSD and acid-core will never be the same.
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