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Chris Brown Gets "Drunk and Honest" About Rihanna: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

Wow,

Chris Brown

is such a bummer that we're thinking about moving to The People's Republic of China so we can't even Google him.

But alas ... With each passing day, Breezy does something weird (like get a ratchet neck tattoo of a battered woman that kinda looks like Rihanna), says something stupid (everything he says), or throws a full-blown temper tantrum.

And last night, Brown kept the streak alive, uploading an almost two-minute video of himself drunk out of his mind and talking shit like it was going out of style. You've gotta wonder why he'd post this kind of video. Oh, yeah ... 'Cause he's an attention whore!

Here is Crossfade's extremely detailed breakdown.

See also:

-Chris Brown's Rihanna Neck Tattoo and the Six Most Ratchet Rapper Tats Ever

-Rihanna Caught Sucking Chris Brown's Face in NYC! Five Reasons for RiRi to Get Out

-Chris Brown and Ten Other Famous Wife-Beaters

0:00 - 0:05

After a half-second establishing shot of, uh, Any Skyline USA, the question "What's up CB?" is posed like a caption to a picture of how fucking fa-ha-ha-haaaayded Chris Brown is right now.

0:05 - 0:15

Wait a minute, this isn't going to be an episode of Drunk History? Oh no. Is this some Kanye West-ish art video? Breezy the Beater says, "You don't even get the real Chris Brown." Yeah, yeah.

0:15 - 0:33

This actually isn't even an art video. This is just a big baby R&B star filming himself wasted and posting it to the internet. Breezy thought he'd look brooding. But, actually, he looks, as per usual, like a douche.

0:38 - 0:44

Polygamist Chris asks if "there is such a thing as loving two people." Because, you see, he still loves his ex-girlfriend, Karrueche, and the woman he famously punched repeatedly in the face, dance-pop-R&B superstar, Rihanna.

0:53

Chris Brown smokes a cigarette as though he is practicing his finest French Existentialist impression.

1:05 - 1:08

"My momma raised me differently." Eesh, you could say that again.

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

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