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Chris Brown may be Rihanna’s bitch. But he’s unloading three of his own.
Evidently, the angry pop singer is a backyard breeder and wants you to buy his bitches.
According to ABC News, Brown’s selling some pit bull terriers via the Internet — three males and three females — at $1,000 each. The dogs were born in February and “carry a fourth generation performance pedigree.” They’re also cute, very cute.
Despite Miami-Dade’s illogical ban and unlike Chris Brown, pit bulls are generally friendly, loveable creatures.
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In fact, it’d be more befitting if C. Breezy was raising short-tempered animals like ostriches or whales. Check out our list of angry animals that Brown should consider breeding.
Ostrich
Don’t fuck with this flightless bird. It’ll peck your face off. Native to Africa, the ostrich is the fastest bird on land, capable of running up to 43 mph. While not a huge threat to man, they’re known to have a short fuse when provoked.
Killer Whale
Killer whales are dangerous, just ask that SeaWorld trainer. Oh, you can’t. He’s dead. Like Brown, whales are vicious and violent. The end result is not pretty.
Alligator
If there’s one thing we’ve learned while living in Florida, don’t go sticking your arm into an alligator’s mouth. Said beast will snap quicker than an overproduced pop star on the night before the Grammys.
Bears
Sure, they look cute and cuddly. And yeah, their cubs are adorably puppy-ish. But like Chris Brown’s music and anger issues, bears suck.
Tyrannosauruses
Undeniably the most dangerous, extinct species of all time, we could totally do without a T-Rex resurgence. Similarly, we could do without Chris Brown.
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