Assholeparade Charges Into Churchill's Pub April 22

If Shakespeare got it right and brevity is indeed the soul of wit, then Assholeparade's Student Ghetto Violence is some Poor Richard's Almanack-level shit.

Issued back in 2000, Student is the closest thing the Gainesville five-piece has to a definitive release, cobbling together pieces from singles, tapes, and other ephemera. Of the collection's 45 tracks, more than half of those fall under the minute mark. The briefest item is "Wendels Squirrly," a four-second, high-pitched guitar riff accompanied by unintelligible shouting.

Still, Assholeparade doesn't need hefty runtimes to get the job done. The band's thrashy hardcore leans on movie dialogue samples, banged-out Neanderthalian riffs, and vocals that are sometimes comical, sometimes cutting, and always pissed-off. Student isn't the only evidence of this dilapidated, abbreviated approach; 2005's Say Goodbye crammed 14 songs into just over 12 minutes.

Since first taking shape in 1995, Assholeparade has mostly existed as a side project. And the outfit rarely strays too far from Florida, so it's big news that the band's about to embark on an inaugural tour of Japan. Recently, Punknews.org reported that Assholeparade's even working on a new LP, tracking 15 songs in the studio. Although, given the act's usual MO, that probably means the record will last three minutes.

-- Reyan Ali

Assholeparade with Disciples of Christ, Shitstorm, Maruta, Mauser, Call Graft, and Last. Friday, April 22. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami. The show starts at 9 p.m. Call 305-757-1807 or visit churchillspub.com.

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >