Action Bronson Signs Major-Label Deal, "Gonna Lose 200 Pounds and Become a Model in Italy"

Mazel tov!

Action Bronson -- Crossfade's pick for best fire-spitting, pasta-cooking mound since Mount Vesuvius -- has just signed to Warner Bros. via Vice Records.

This year's Warner company Labor Day picnic is sure to get weird when Action partners up with new labelmate Kylie Minogue for the three-legged race. Meanwhile, Tom Petty, who swore off the egg toss after Faith "Stone Hands" Hill ruined his unmatched winning streak, finally has reason to get back in the mix.

And fans know that Action Bronson doesn't mess around when it comes to the egg toss.

It can be hard to keep up with Action's Twitter feed, which often reads like Charles Manson's honey-do list run through the Enigma machine. The announcement was followed by claims that "Hipster Girls pussy smell like Sa- Tan" and "I'm gonna lose 200 pounds and become a model in Italy." And while the latest Quinnipiac poll seems to substantiate the former, we've been unable to confirm the latter.

If you haven't heard Action Bronson's seriously weird-but-amazing raps before, perhaps you remember our epic-length interviews with him. No? We didn't read them, either. So bring a pickax to chip through the bong resin and join us as we once again explore the inner recesses of Action Bronson's mind:

Action Bronson Pulls His Dick Out: The Perfect Panty-Dropping Meal

Action Bronson "Going Full Throttle," Smokes an Ounce of Weed, Says "F#$% Pancakes"

Action Bronson Curious About Eating Transsexual Penis and Yak Dicks

Action Bronson In Talks to Host Cooking Show, His Albanian Family Has Only Toilet in Town

Now that he's on a major label, you'll be hearing a lot more from Action Bronson. After all, he also announced that he has finished 17 tracks for the sequel to his Blue Chips mixtape.

Not only that, he also tweeted, "Ain't Nuttin like a shit in the morning." So you know at least until lunch, Action Bronson cannot be stopped.

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