If, like Crossfade, you've actually attended the annual Exxxotica Expo at the Miami Beach Convention Center (or some comparably antiseptic megavenue in Chicago, Los Angeles, or New Jersey) and not just feverishly daydreamed about it while rubbing your sweaty palms together in the parking lot, you already know that the exxxperience is closer to attending a boat show with more boob jobs (and less boats) than wandering naked into a real-life skin flick.
Honestly, sporadic group sex sessions almost never break out on the convention floor. Although ... This year might be different, if legendary pervs and free-speech champions 2 Live Crew can help it.
On the Saturday of each Exxxotica weekend in Miami, Chi-Town, L.A, and Jersey, two of the Crews's original four-man lineup -- Fresh Kid Ice and Brother Marquis -- will be commandeering the Adult Entertainment Broadcast Network-sponsored main stage to throw some Ds, drop some classic booty jams, and even toss off a couple tracks from Kid and Marquis' new record Just Wanna Be Heard.
Amid an almost inevitable avalanche of fat asses in fluorescent thongs, the two-man Crew will undoubtedly urge a crowd of fetish freaks, DP geeks, and porn stars (including Jesse Jane, Joanna Angel, Rubberdoll, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, and the legendary Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy in his usual on-set attire of sweatpants, stained t-shirt, and Crocs) to open up the fuck shop, pop that pussy, and move something.
And that will be the moment of truth ... Who is free and weird enough to get as nasty as they wanna be, right there on the covention center floor?
2 Live Crew's 2011 Tour Schedule
May 21 Exxxotica Miami Beach 2011, Miami Beach,FL
May 26 Heartbreakers Night Club, 700 N. Second St., St. Louis, MO
July 9 Exxxotica Chicago 2011, Chicago, IL
August 27 Exxxotica Los Angeles 2011, Los Angeles, CA
November 5 Exxxotica New Jersey 2011, Edison, NJ
Exxxotica Expo Miami Beach 2011. Friday, May 20, through Sunday, May 22. Miami Beach Convention Center, 1901 Convention Center Dr., Miami Beach. One-day passes cost $35 to $70 and three-day passes cost $170 via microspec.com. Call 305-673-7311 or visit miamibeachconvention.com.