The Miami Dolphins are for sale to the highest musical bidders. Gloria Estefan and Marc Anthony have both recently bought minority shares of the franchise, leaving us all wondering: Who's next? We've compiled a list of 10 most wanted musicians with a tie to Miami who would be great partial owners for the Dolphins. Consider this an open letter to the following musicians:
The easiest way to stop all these Michael Vick to Miami rumors? Sell a share of the Dolphins to rapper Pitbull. He'll be staying far away after that. What other reason do you need?
Once Luther Campbell is in place, whipping the cheerleaders into place, in should step Jessica Sutta of the Pussycat Dolls. Not only can she lend a hand in teaching new cheerleaders how to better exploit themselves in 100-degree heat for unappreciative fans, she'll also help recruit a whole new batch of young female fans who have no interest in sports (or talent in music) but plenty of disposable income. The only downside is figuring out how to fit a Dolphins-themed Forever 21 into the concourse.
South Florida's very own rock and roll Anti-Christ is a self promotion machine. Imagine how much money the Dolphins front office could save by axing the entire PR department and just letting Mr/s Manson handle the promotions? Plus, he's already written a fight song:
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Sure he's not a Miami native, but he owns a home here. The Dolphins wouldn't lose another home game so long as the visiting locker room plays the Bee Gees' hits on loop. A man can only hear "How Deep Is Your Love" so many times before the sweet relief of a razor blade to the carotid is a viable option.
The Dolphins hit it big last year with the Wildcat formation. It's exactly that type of creativity that the Fish will have to inject into their playbook this year if they hope to survive the brutal schedule. Take a quick look at the band names playing at The Talent Farm and Solid Sound Studios over the next month, and it's easy to figure out these are the minds we need in the war room coming up with new ways to make the Dolphins un-suck: A Billion Ernies, Needless To Say, Action Item, Bulletproof Your Limousine, The Gun Show, The Punktuations, and Flower Flower Yes should be all you need. Let's start a collection for these guys.