Despite repeated CPR attempts by Nas, it appears hip-hop officially flatlined last week, suffering a painful, humiliating death at the hands of an assailant known as Soulja Boy. The murderer suffers from a massive delusional disorder and he’s known for many inexplicable acts, such as smearing Wite-Out all over his sunglasses, basically…
Happy Cinco de Mayo, chingones! Pardon our French — er, Mexican — but tequila does that to you. Anyway, that fifth day of May is upon us once again. And you know what that means … It’s time to boisterously celebrate Mexico’s Independence Day. Even though that’s not really until…
There’s no better way to express pure joy than the art of song. So when the news broke on Sunday that Obama had killed Osama, a giddy mob of superpatriotic Americans flocked to special spots like the White House, Ground Zero, and Times Square to musically convey its overwhelming excitement…
Upon reading Billboard’s report that crappy rap-country mish-masher Kid Rock received a Great Expectations Award from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People on Sunday, our first reaction was, WTF? People still listen to Kid Rock? Our second thought was, WTF? How has Kid Rock advanced anything other than the general…
Unless you’ve been holed up in a $1 million dollar compound without phone, internet, or cable service, you’ve heard the news … Osama bin Laden is dead. Yesterday, the mass-murdering founder of Al Qaeda, Most Wanted Man in the Universe, facial-hair aficionado, evil millionaire, and general asshole was shot through…
Yesterday, my Crossfade colleague Sean Levisman alerted us to the five dumbest dance styles of the 21st Century. And while daggering and choque are fairly creepy examples of taking sex (and sexual injury) onto the dance floor, I firmly believe that simulated sex is an integral part of breaking it…
Had enough of the Kate and William mania? Ohhh no, you haven’t! Look for the tacky souvenirs — from replicas of Kate’s engagement ring to a toilet loo seat sporting the happy couple’s likeness. That’s all fine, but we like tchotchkes you can eat! Happily, there’s everything from jellybeans to pizza…
We here at Crossfade have done extensive scientific research, compiled the stats, and our report on the correlation between photogenic faces and funniness is ready. The conclusion: Good-looking people with nice tans and beautiful hair are never ever fucking funny. Especially Louis Aguirre. For proof, see the cut and sit…
Miami is inseparable from her nightlife and clubs. But she’s also a gold-digging, glamor-drunk whore. Ninety percent of the establishments around town (especially in South Beach) cater to people with a truly masochistic approach to nightlife, and it’s all because of that inane Miamian need to feel VIP. They love…
Jay-Z, whom you might recall is Miami’s most-wanted gangbanger, recently came to the realization that transitioning from an executive position in the music industry, owning a sports team, publishing a book, overseeing a clothing line, managing a bunch of clubs, and kicking it with Oprah wasn’t enough to keep him…
Located off Bird Road, Lucky Oriental Mart is an Asian grocery store stocked with foods and products from China, Japan, Thailand, Korea, Indonesia, Vietnam, and the Philippines. Stroll the aisles and your curiosity will be piqued by colorfully packaged products like teas, candies, and cookies…
As the sun sets tonight, Passover begins. It’s interesting to note that on the eve of this holiday, I found a box of pictures that I didn’t even know I had. In it were snapshots of my grandparents, long since passed, dressed to the nines in Miami Beach and New…
Lady Gaga doesn’t dress like the rest of us. For example, sometimes you’re putting on a polo and you look down and think, I look like a douche, so you replace it with a Sonic Youth t-shirt. Or you put on shorts and then realize your ass cheeks are partially…
Yum. Look at that plump, juicy… sofa?You might be familiar with pica — the disorder that leads people to eat stuff like soap, chalk, batteries, coins, hair, and dirt — from watching the show My Strange Addiction on TLC. According to some experts, the disorder is caused by a lack of certain…
We here at Crossfade generally consider ourselves to be gentle, caring individuals with boundless love for our fellow human creatures. So why is it that we find other people’s pain so fucking funny? Especially celebrity pain? Honestly, it’s sick. And right now, we can’t stop crapping our pants over this…
Hey, little monsters. Crossfade knows you want to look superfierce for Wednesday’s Lady Gaga concert at the American Airlines Arena. But there are still a few guidelines that you’ll have to carefully follow if your fabulously freaky ensemble’s gonna be up to code.In fact, arena management has posted a warning…
The basic aim of a sumo wrestler is to push or throw your opponent out of the ring. The bigger you are, the easier it is to push your opponent — hence the large size of the sumo. How do sumo grow so large, and are they athletes or just…
WMC and Ultra Week have come and gone. There were mind-blowingly awesome DJ lineups and there were majorly overrated ones. Sure, March has never disappointed. But there’s no denying how bloated and commercial certain chunks of the EDM industry have become. You’d think the likes of Swedish House Mafia and…
People who use Vicks Inhalers are either (a) suffering from severe nasal congestion, or (b) rolling balls at Ultra Music Festival. Each year in March, we buy stock in Procter and Gamble, knowing very well that inhaler sales will skyrocket during the days leading up to the fest. And no,…
Ultra Music Festival is for lovers. We saw so many cute raver couples giving each other little back rubs and blowing kisses at one another while dancing to the beat of house music. Some shared water bottles by pouring ice-cold H20 over their heads. Others professed their love for each…
Everyone knows the best way to smuggle drugs is stashing that weight inside something that’s not typically associated with illicitness, i.e hollowed-out copies of holy texts, extra-large coconuts, live Labrador retriever puppies, etc. So stuffing your four-year-old niece’s Hello Kitty backpack full of pills isn’t a bad strategy for evading…
Twenty-year-old Miguel Pando is a tanning butler. His job: to stroll around the Ritz-Carlton South Beach pool and beach and offer tanning supplies to guests. Oh, and to also apply the tanning lotion on hard-to-reach body parts like backs, shoulders, and necks. Michelle Payer, the hotel’s public relations director, created…
