As soon as you sit down at Naked Taco in South Beach, a bubbly waiter toting a frosty shaker measures out two grapefruit-tequila shots in heavy, preplaced glasses. “You have to be a little mad to have fun with us,” he says while shaking out the last drops of the…
Buns & Buns established its affinity for the misogynistic era of the 1950s early last summer when it released a minute-long teaser video that opened with dozens of women’s tanned, oiled backsides sunbathing on an unidentified beach. “Incontestably, we all like our buns hot and steamy,” it said before cutting…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke finds parallels between inner city violence and wars abroad. The violent conflict in Iraq and the street violence…
In a city obsessed with appearances as much as pork, it was only a matter of time before someone thought to put the two together. The inaugural Bacon Beach Bash will take place this Saturday, July 5, as part of ‘Murica’s birthday celebration at Nikki Beach. Because if there’s one…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
What makes someone a hack? A hack purports to be something he’s not. It’s a person who holds himself above others on false grounds. The entertainment industry is full of them, and tons of people get into the music industry for the wrong reasons. We can’t help ourselves from feeling…
Civil rights activists are hailing the recent decision by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office to cancel six trademarks belonging to the Washington Redskins. The agency ruled the trademarks are offensive to Native Americans. But the ruling doesn’t mean anything. In fact, the decision will be overturned on appeal like…
Best of Miami Kudos, compadres: Thank you for giving us locals and visitors this complete information about the best of Miami (“Best of Miami 2014,” Miami New Times staff and contributors, June 19). Keep up the good work! Ana M. Bibas You messed up on this one, though: The fact…
Dear LeBron, When I first read the news that you’d be opting out of your Miami Heat contract, I have to admit, I was more than a little upset. I imagine many Miamians had the same reaction, from the guy down the block with a picture of your face and…
Everything I have ever said about Gawker is false. Everything. The gossip/news (or is it news/gossip?) website this morning admitted inadvertently stealing copy from Miami New Times. We didn’t bring it to their attention. The plagiarism related to a post last week by Miami New Times news blogger Kyle Munzenrieder,…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke says the Redskins are protected by free speech Civil rights activists are hailing the recent decision by the…
Ben & Jerry’s, the Vermont-based ice cream company that incorporates pop-culture into its ice cream along with nuts and fudge swirls, is at it again. This time, it’s announced four new Saturday Night Live-themed ice cream flavors. Two of the four are now available in Miami, with the second two…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. In this special online edition, Luke opines about the Miami Hurricanes and Florida Gators getting caught up in another college football…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
It’s usually weird when actors spit rhymes, but it’s even weirder when you find out the sparkly vampire hunk from Twilight wants to be a rapper named “Big Tub.” That’s the truth Robert Pattinson revealed on the couch with Seth Meyers on Late Night. The poor kid was self-conscious about…
The mainstream rap game is servin’ up so many soft rappers, we should stop calling them MCs and start calling them TCBYs. Have you listened to the hip-hop charts lately? It’s like a damn 16-year-old girl’s mix tape in this mess. Someone must have let the dogs out, because all…
Drummers are a completely different breed of humanoid. We here at Crossfade believe that a solid drummer is the key ingredient to any good band — the very catalyst that emulsifies the piss and vinegar of rock ‘n roll into something tangible — and we love you for this reason…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke talks about the new scourge of online pimps. For decades, parents protecting their daughters from predators are used…
Remember when you used to spend all day playing arcade fighting games against your friends, and you had that one buddy who just kept pressing the same attack button, over and over, leaving you no time to gather your thoughts and use your actual skills? That shit was cheap as…
For half an hour this morning, North Miami Avenue — one of the city’s most crowded arteries — was shut down. By peacocks. For most of the show, it was funny, but not to the honking buses, swerving drivers, and cops who didn’t show up…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
Everyone wants to feel special and loved, but not everyone is a Very Important Person. Of course, if VIP is really about anything at all, it’s money and status and exclusivity. A person cannot be “very important” unless there are “less important” people at which to snicker and point from…
